Just Don’t Feel Right

As I sit here in my mother’s church on Easter, I just don’t feel right. As I listen to the preacher read from the Bible and preach his sermon, I stir at the window panes of white biblical figures in a predominantly black church….. I just don’t feel right. As they continually sing and preach about Jesus a made up name to a real historical figure who’s story was taken and changed to fit agenda, I just don’t feel right. As they call him the king of Jews and we are predominantly black church and the Jewish community doesn’t even support us in our strife and injustices that happen to us in our city, I just don’t feel right. As my sister and my mom get on my kids about bowing their head to pray and standing during songs, I just don’t feel right.

Am I doing the right thing by still participating on this Christian holiday when I know this religion is so false and these religious folks don’t even know what and where Easter comes from? Now, I’ve shared with my children facts on why we are no longer Christians and have fully engulfed spirituality in the ways we see fit, but I still “celebrate” Easter and Christmas. More so, because I love the Christmas and Easter holiday, decorating, giving gifts and eating good food. But I just don’t feel right having to submit myself and my kids to being disciplined for not following these church rules or sitting through hearing the things that I’ve taught them are the reasons why we don’t do the church thing anymore.

For next year, I’m going to have to put more thought into this because I can no longer be contradictory to my beliefs.

Angels in Disguise

This blog is going to be all over the place. I’m more so collecting my thoughts, information and visions all in one space to share with others and to also help myself figure this subject all out. 

This Nipsey Hussle murder has really done a number on me. Not for the reasons that so many people display on social media because they knew him, his music and community activism. See, I didn’t know Nipsey, didn’t know any of his Music or about his community activism, I knew nothing of him. I’ve seen photos of him solo or with Laura London on Facebook a couple of times but that’s it. So, I’ve been asking myself since his murder happened, “why am I affected by this, why am I drawn to this person and this unfortunate event?” The answer I received and the way I received it was oddly put together, but I got the answers I was seeking.

Monday, April Fool’s Day, was another day of following the Nipsey tragedy on Facebook. That night I decided to do my nightly cleansing bath and I was looking for one of my favorite YouTube meditation videos, but all these angel and light worker videos showed up on my YouTube feed. I kept swiping past them not paying those videos any mind, then I came across a new guy, Enoch The Freestyle Prince who popped up on my feed. I’ve never watched a video of his, so I found it odd that the number of videos from him was saturating my feed. I finally stopped at one of his videos because the title jumped out to me and the video was called gang stalking. I knew that this person had to be a “woke” person because I don’t watch crap on this YouTube account and the title gang stalking seemed out of place because I mentally tied it to gangs. Surprisingly, the video was about him talking about lightworkers/angels being stalked by demons in plain sight aka gang stalking. Watching this guy speak, I was taken back by the way he talked and how he looked because he was very hood, very street but he was talking about something so spiritual and obviously was familiar with the topic from his own experience. To see someone so street but in tuned was shocking to me at first but then I felt guilty because angels come through in any avenue we can to help bring forth the greater good and sustain balance. The guy went on to list ways to notice when you are being gang stalked, for example; you could be walking down the street and a person could be walking towards you and they just begin to stare at you. The staring makes you uncomfortable because this person is deliberately staring you down for no apparent reason. He is saying that this is a demon taking notice of you and keeping an eye on you. This video hit home on so many different levels but to stay on topic with Nipsey, he just kept mentioning angels and lightworkers interchangeably and it made me think that maybe this is how Nipsey was. Nipsey was very street and a former gang banger, so maybe this was a glimpse into his world. The thought of Nipsey being a “woke” person and falling into this group of street level spirituality that knew of themselves and the happenings in this world. But once again I was going to be schooled on my skewed thought process later that night. 

After watching the gang stalking video, I went on Facebook and a video was on my feed of an interview Nipsey did. To be honest I can’t remember exactly what the video was about, but it showed a RIP with his birthday being August 15, 1985 and instantly I heard a voice in my head say “He was apart of your soul group.” I immediately was saddened and taken back but still didn’t understand what that meant. I’ve ran across people with a birthday around mine, even on the same day of August 16 and felt no connection to them at all. So, learning that Nipsey and I shared a portal/zodiac around the same time of birth opened my eyes up to the significance of soul groups but gave me more questions on what exactly a “soul group” was. I’ve read articles about finding your soul group, plus, I thought finding someone from your soul group would be people I would actually encounter in real life. Then it made me wonder, well what soul group am Nipsey and I apart of? And why was I told this.

After my cleansing bath, I went to bed with the gang stalking video, Nipsey, his birthday of August 15 and the message “our soul group” on the brain. So rather than ponder on this by myself, I asked for better understanding on why Nipsey’s murder has taken a toll on me and what all this information I just learned meant. Well, the saying is “be careful of what you ask for” because I got my answer. While sleeping I started having a “dream” and in this dream I knew Nipsey. In my dream he looked different but familiar and the familiarity was more of a feeling of knowing him than how he actually looked. While I was near him, he grabbed my hand and started to beam, light up, his soul shine through and levitate. He was an “angel” and when I saw that he was “angel” I kind of came out of the dream but went back in because the revelation was so strong. I started to cry and mourn when I realized what he was and that I was like him. I was saddened, my heart was heavy, and I started rolling back and forth in my bed because of the burden of knowing who he truly was, why he was really killed and the multiple agendas that were fulfilled by killing him and more importantly; the connection between myself and him. This dream was another awakening to learn about myself and why I’m here on Earth currently. I could no longer deny the things I’ve been shown about myself prior to Nipsey’s death and the effect his death has had on me in the dream and in my waking life.  It’s to the point that I started writing this blog the week of his death and was side tracked by work and life but completing it has been pulling at me to get it done. My experiences and my knowings must be shared, not for me or for Nipsey but to make it known that what we are taught about “angels” from religion, scholar studies or from so-called personal encounters are very skewed. 

This may not be new information, but I’ll start off with it to make a general point on how confused people have become running with these tales from the past. First off, angles don’t have wings like a bird. Angels were depicted like that in art and sculptures because humans couldn’t comprehend a person taking flight like a bird without wings, so to describe a person that was “heavenly” that could fly they drew angels in human form with wings to depict their capability of flying. Also, angles aren’t human, they’re celestial energy or celestial light beings and that energy takes on a body just like any other soul or energy that incarnates on Earth. With that said, celestial energy can incarnate into a human at different stages of the human body. Celestials can be incarnated via the birth of a baby or take on a human form during a quick visit based on who they’re interacting with. Regardless of when and which form we take, the common denominator will be that we won’t fit in to the society norms, even when we try and even when we look the part our energy will always give us away. Our talents, thoughts and the way we move on this Earth will always stand out even when we try to hide and stay low key. The so-called lime light or center of attention will always find us. People, animals, and nature will gravitate towards us and so will the negative energies and entities. We carry the foundational light codes of the universe which are the codes of divine truth, divine balance and the divine laws. When we are in flesh we feel and experience emotions just like everyone else, but we are capable of moving those emotions to the side to do what is just. I say just because there isn’t really a right and wrong or good and bad in the universe, there’s only just according to divine law.

I used to ask at a very young age, why did bad things happen in this world. But as a child I was looking at that question from a religious point of view and how religion teaches people about good and evil. I remember as a child, I would have disassociations after bad things would happen to me and a voice would always try to comfort me saying it was supposed to happen. I would become angry and even more upset because I knew deep down due to me being claircognizant, I know everything happenfor a reason but why was it happening to me. Those reasons would always reveal themselves as the karmic balance was restored after a “bad” event. I’ve always been able to see the truth in all events, good or bad. Ive always been able to see the order out of the chaos and one of the main laws the universe is bound by is karma. Yes, seeing people even children dying in wars is terrible but out of that chaos order will arise. In people’s limited understanding and scope of the world, humans aren’t able to see pass their emotions so war will always be bad or an evil thing to them. But as Ive heard mention in several tv shows and movies, war is a necessary evil. After every war of chaos, order will be restored, of course until the next war of chaos occurs to restore divine balance somewhere else on Earth, or in the galaxy and the universe.

So remember, celestials walk amongst us, celestials are humans in a fleshly disguise so be mindful of how you treat others because angels/celestials are directly linked to the creator. Through karmic law humans are tried and tested through the celestials interacting with them. When you encounter people, always go by that person’s vibe or energy, that’s how you’ll know if you’re interacting with a celestial being. Their energy will be magnetize you and fill you with joy and hope!

 

All About Perspective

I don’t know if you’ve heard about the flat earth theory which has gotten a lot of traction lately. That’s a sarcastic question for those who have heard of the theory. Well, I came across some information today that gave me a new perspective on the credibility of the flat earth theory.

I know my soul isn’t from this planet and I’ve had lives prior to this earth life on other planets in other galaxies. I’ve also lived other lives on earth and when your soul is not of earth you are considered a starseed. But I could never understand how being a starseed was special if everybody and their momma are awakening in record numbers during this age we are living in. See, I thought all people who were being awakened in this time period were considered starseeds. So early on in my awakening process I became disappointed and saddened with my awakening experience because I felt I wasn’t special or experiencing something extraordinary. After researching and finding so many other people going through an awakening too put a sour patch on my spirituality journey. There is website after website, numerous Facebook groups and pages, Instagram pages and followers, conventions, spiritual trips, and man other awakening focused things saturating the internet today and I was feeling late to the party.

I started to completely disregard all the things I remembered experiencing since birth and began locking them back away inside myself because obviously I wasn’t special or experiencing something awesomely extraordinary after all. Over time I got back on my spiritual journey and started exploring ancient Kemet and other spiritual teachings which kind of grounded me with a human understanding and foundation of spirituality. It helped to pull the knowledge I’ve gained into perspective and peel back the layers of the universal plan that I’m a part of.

Today I made a full circle about starseeds which I came across 2 and half years ago. While watching Rebecca Campbell’s soul series video on starseeds, I learned that there are 2 types of awakenings going on on Earth right now……earth souls and starseeds. When I first read it, I was like huh, I thought all souls came from the universe and all souls have been elsewhere prior to coming to this learning planet. But after listening to her video, it all clicked and started to make sense. Here’s the paraphrased definition of earth souls:

Earth souls are souls that were created for humans on earth and they only reincarnate on earth. Some earth souls are clueless, not conscious or aware to agendas and don’t even try to become conscious or aware. Then other earth souls awaken and become aware to the powers over this planet agendas, but these souls only know of earth because they are bound to this planet.

So, after hearing this it stuck with me, swirling around in my subconscious and darn near 10 hrs. later it hits me. Maybe this is why flat earthers have gotten so much traction over the years. These are the earth souls that have awakened and aware of being created to be on this earth. But since they’ve never been anywhere else in the universe but on this planet their perspective is earth bound, just like them. They can’t comprehend there’s an entire universe even macro-verses beyond the earths atmosphere. How could there be when all you know is earth. Some awakened earth souls do know about higher beings coming from the stars and helping mold some of earths greatest civilizations, but the extent of those thoughts seem to stop there because the comprehension of the universal and galactic plan stops at the edge of Earth’s atmosphere for them. Earth souls perspective is earth bound so a course earth is linear to them because their eyes and eye can only comprehend the laws that are over this earth. To earth souls everything not within their perspective is literally alien and can be a threat to their earth-bound existence. 

With that thought, both flat earth theory and global earth theory are correct. But these theories are correct to only that awakened soul and their perspective.

 

Side note: This also makes me ponder if the collective that so many spiritual teachers speak of is also divided into 2. Is the collective of earth souls also only earth bound. Awakened earth souls can connect with nature, the animals and other earth souls but can they fully connect to the universal collective? Because, if they could there would be unity in all awakened souls across all planes and dimensions but there isn’t. Hence, there being different earth theories, fear of aliens, ETs and anything not of Earth.

Reference:

https://experience.hayhouseu.com/discoveryourcosmicblueprint-index2/?utm_source=author&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=campbell_dycb_plc2&utm_content=8672

 

Complacency: Reflections of Self

After achieving what I thought I should as an adult, all those “accomplishments” lead to deep heart ache, pain, unhappiness and finding myself feeling empty, unsatisfied and alone.

After several months of being stuck in a void and I’m using the word void because I wasn’t sad or depressed, but I was in a state of emotionless. While in this void, my mind was on constant repeat, thinking the same thoughts over and over again. What am I doing wrong? How am I 34 and I don’t have anything together? Why do I feel so lost? While away on a trip I discovered several different topics and articles on Facebook that kept catching my interest. Figured if something keeps popping up I need to start paying attention to it. This began my journey into the unknown….. so I thought.

This journey of self-love, inner-peace, becoming spiritually in tune to my real self. The real Me and not who I think I should be, or who I thought I should be as a child or even when I thought I was in college, and definitely not who society says I should be. More importantly, not who my mom or my family think I should be or should have been.

My mind works differently from most, I noticed this at an early age. Always questioning life, rules, nature, adults and authority. Never took answers at face value and always wanted to learn beyond the surface. My mind sees disorder, chaos, things out of place and automatically starts analyzing and correcting them. I always thought it was my OCD until it enhanced my career by finding the flaws in a facility and their programs and on a personal level giving great advice. Unfortunately, it also gives off the persona of a “know it all” or always having something to say. Had to learn with maturity when to speak my truth and when to let people figure it out on their own. More importantly, not beat myself up when they fail or don’t figure it out. I’m a fixer by nature but everything and everyone doesn’t want to be fixed. Sometimes its best for things and people to stay broken. Can’t save the world by draining myself in the process. Learned to pick my battles so I can have successful wars.

Good vs. Evill

Religions has us convinced that there’s a good vs evil scenario going on in the world. Movies have us believing that there’s a good vs evil war going on in the universe. All thoughtfully done to control the masses. As some people focus on trying to be so good that they can’t be seen as evil and other people so hell bent on being so evil people won’t consider them good. These unspoken people have been directly affected by the cat and mouse game of society to keep our minds focused on one over the other rather than on both.

How does a person even know the difference between the two if the other didn’t exist to compare it to? Light couldn’t exist if there was no darkness, good couldn’t exist if there was no evil. Life is about balance. The issue with the universe and our world is they are out of balance. Evil has been “winning” at keeping this balance out of whack. Poisoning and distracting our souls and minds from what’s important in life. Controlling people through every aspect that can come to mind to keep us divided and at war with each other. Old vs new, iPhone vs Android, breastfeeding vs not breastfeeding, Black vs white, Hispanics vs non Hispanics, girl vs boy, Democrat vs republican and so on. All this division keeps us distracted as the balance in our world continues to stay out of whack.

Love the good and evil inside each of us, the light and the dark because we are made of both. This is why evil and good things happen in the world and the acceptance of both is why free will still exists.

Xtina

Looking at the moon and knowing there’s more to life than what’s on this planet  helps to keep me going. Looking up at the sky always calmed me and helped me keep all worries in my mind at bay. Looking up instantly brings a “home” feeling to my soul. 

I always wondered if the universe was just one big brain because the galaxies look like nerve ends and synopsis connections. So many of the astral forms in space reflect cells and connective tissues like in our bodies. Is the universe a living organism just like us?! Can this be a question or a statement?! 

The moon feels like love when I see her and sun warms me like an embrace from a man that I’ve been desiring for like ever. My heart and soul lies with the stars. I’m drawn to the X in the sky and have been drawned to it ever since I could remember. In high school I named the X in the sky Xtina. Never knew my X in the sky was a constellation,  pointed to Sirius A or housed the Orion Nebula. First time I saw this nebula I fell in love and was submerged in a feeling of wonder. Being drawn to the X in the sky was finally making sense. Home are we?!


Poker Face


I cracked through my ego last week and it was a very emotional, high anxiety experience to say the least. Seeing the face you’ve worn for so long for what it really is is scary. Then your true self finally being able to be seen and heard for the first time is terrifying. I don’t know the true me and that’s scary and that’s what caused the high anxiety. Being able to finally distinguish between my egos voice and my real voice is a great feeling but my real voice is so soft spoken. Calming my ego and telling her to chill out and back off is tough. It’s like yelling at or reprimanding your 2 year old daughter. She’s your mini you and you never want to hurt her feelings in any way because it hurts you so much  when you have to discipline or correct her.

I have to keep telling myself that I am not my ego and I have to break the cycle of doing what I use to do because someone told me I should do it, should like it, should say it, should wear it, etc. I’ve never realized how many of my life choices were really somebody else’s choices that I took on as my own to either please someone, or didn’t want go against their beliefs or opinions, or I respected and looked up to so I never deared to question their choices and influence over me. Now as an adult and looking at my life choices and analyzing them against my childhood dreams, they don’t align and I really need to know how I lost my way. Finally finding my true voice will be able to help answer these questions. I don’t want to go along just to get along anymore and I’m definitely tired of the poker face. So if it’s going against the norm, disappointing others to stay true to myself, or whatever I’m going to do that because I done not being me for the sake of others. I will no longer let my ego trap me in a life of conforming.