Love Spell

Being apart of several “witchy” groups, I’ve noticed the main thing girls in these groups want to do is cast love spells on guys. Or hex or curse a guy that hurt them but that’s a subject for another blog. I can admit that I’ve never wanted to “cast” a love spell, mainly because I didn’t know what love really was. My definition of love was completely different from everyone I’ve ever encountered. My definition of love is “Love is a choice, not a feeling.” I’ve never came across anyone that valued the love that I gave. So my perspective on love was that it wasn’t for me and it was nothing but heartache, because I expressed love differently than others.

While dating a guy a long time ago, we was having a discussion on love and commitment and I told him my definition and he got upset. He couldn’t grasp my perspective on love. He was offended that I was saying that I could fall out of love with him. In my defense, I reinteriated my point that my love for someone would be a choice and not based on how I felt towards them, because feelings can change in a blink of an eye. Then to make matters worse, he tried to convince me that it was his job to make me happy and keep me in loving feelings towards him. Unfortunately, he was talking to the new, improved and awakened me and not the old, insecure, didn’t know my worth me. The old me would have soaked those words up and entrapped me, but the new me wasn’t having it. I responded with “I’m responsible for my own happiness and you the same. You should enhance me and I the same to you.” Welp, he wasn’t having that and I completely understood why. Most people base their value on someone else’s value and need of them. Tit for tat relationships, I give you this and you better give me what I gave you back at equal or greater value. I was a culprit of this myself in many of relationships, but the difference in my circumstances was that I was given way too much of myself to try to keep people happy with me. I put my self-worth on how I made others happy in hopes they would reciprocate the same effort towards me and that never happened till now.

After taking time to heal after a terrible marriage, a stressful divorce and converting back into single mommy hood, I focused a lot of free time on my spiritual journey. While on this part of my journey, the universe threw some tests at me to see if I’ve learned my lessons. One was the guy I mentioned earlier, another was an old flame and the last was a really nice guy that I gave a chance because my intuition said do it. The guy I mentioned above tested my ability to stand in my true feelings even when it conflicted with the person I’m dating. The old flame came back to remind me that I was above the bullshit and that it is ok to be better or above someone. To know my worth! The really nice guy was my test to go outside the box of the typical guys I dated to show me there’s more to life when you remove unnecessary boundaries. Also, to test me in my truth of being a magical, gifted being that was no longer trapped in religion. The really nice guy was a church guy that lived a contradicting lifestyle but had a problem with me embracing my spiritual path. It was hard but I chose my true nature over him and it was the final test I needed to past for the universe to show me I was ready to accept my god hood.

In January 2019 I did a love spell and it was nothing like any love spell I came across in groups or doing searches on the internet. My love spell was intuitive and about me accepting my divinity and letting the universe know I was ready to receive the love it had for me. I placed my life in the hands of the universe and wrote my spell to fall within universal laws, even if the love I attracted was me loving myself solo. This spell was so powerful that the notebook I wrote it in disappeared. I tried to keep the spell so I could reference it later but the universe was like “Naw, you gave this to us so it has to leave you to fully be in our hands.” From that day forward I continued to live, explore my spiritual journey and didn’t even think about the work I did with that spell.

Before I even did the spell work, I had arranged a cabin trip within a Facebook group for the end of February 2019. So, the Friday of the cabin trip arrived and I didn’t even pay attention to the date 2/22/19 (222). When I arrived a girl named Amber and a guy I’ve never met before greeted me at the door. The first thing I noticed when I opened the door was this guy with this huge smile stirring at me all googly. I could tell he was “intrigued” by me but I brushed it off because I know I have that effect on guys. So how he was acting wasn’t odd or worth paying attention to. Once inside he offers to take my bag, like he switched from intrigued mode to servitude mode. So I let him take my bag and I followed both of them upstairs. While walking to meet everybody that was already there, I’m videotaping the cabin because it was awesome. So I’m not paying this guy any attention while we’re walking. We get upstairs and he starts to walk up these loft steps to a room he said was mine and I stopped him. I let him know I didn’t want that room because it was too open and noisy and I wanted a room away from everybody. So he takes me around this bin to a whole other part of the house to a room away from everybody. I tell him cool I’ll take this one and he looks at me and this was the first time I made eye contact with him and he replies “but this is my room.” We locked eyes and it was like we spoke telepathically because I was thinking “that’s nice but I want this room” and he responded verbally “ok you can have it.”

After that interaction, I found myself drawn to him. Yes he was cute, had a nice body, gorgeous smile, you know all the physical things opposite sex are attracted to but it wasn’t that I was drawn to. I found myself wanting to be in his presence and had to stop myself from stirring at him. Every now and then I would catch him stirring at me then quickly turning his head or eyes away like he wasn’t too. At dinner I put my glass next to where he was going to sit but a girl moved it and sat next to him not realizing my glass of water was my spot saver. Later that night we were all in the jacuzzi and we were the last ones to get out. He tried to have a conversation with me but it was forced and awkward. I started to take that weird interaction as maybe what I was feeling wasn’t what I thought it was towards him.

Then things took a turn for the better later that night. We created a bond over spying on the weird owner of the cabin we was staying at. To the point I screamed for him to join me at a window and all he had on was his boxers. Till this day I’m shocked that we spent hours together spying on this guy and not once did I notice he was in his boxers. We were so wrapped up in each other’s company, laughing and joking around I never noticed and he never thought to go put some shorts on. Later on finding out what he was working with, I definitely should of have noticed! The most memorable part of the spying was when I was sitting on a chair and he came and sat down on a foot stole to be close to me while we chatted. There was a couch and another chair he could of chose to sat on but he sat on the foot stool. The way he was looking at me when he was listening to me was so adorable. Like I was the most beautiful, intriguing woman he had ever seen. He still looks at me like that and expresses his amazement of me everyday. Once we had enough of spying on the owner, we went to sleep in our separate rooms. That night I ended up having a dream that revealed that he was the one for me, my soul mate. The rest of that weekend we were inseparable, where ever I was he was. When we didn’t know where one of us was we would ask someone where the other is.

We became an immediate couple and been making couple moves ever since. At times I would say I wish I met him in my younger years, but I know all the things I’ve gone through prepared me for having him in my life. The connection and bond we have is what movies are made of. But not the typical love movie, I’m talking about a supernatural, superhuman sci-fi love movie. Our connection is so strong and we’re so intuned that we finish each others thoughts and sentences. We can send thoughts to each other and we will respond via text or phone. We know when one is off and exactly what to do to make the other feel better. During sex this man knows secrets held within my body that he maneuvers like he was the one that placed them there. He completely understands my definition of love and our roles as a man and woman in a partnership. He fully fulfills his role as a protector and I as my role as a nurturer. In regards to our god hood, he is my generator and I am is manifestation vessel. He allows me to be the magical being that am, practice my spirituality as I see fit and inquires to learn more about my practices. The perfect guy for me!

My love spell was open-ended and written to work within universal laws; which released full control to the universe to work on my behalf. I loved myself first and that was the key to attracting someone who loved me too. He is the best person and partner for me based on my authentic, true self. And You can also attract the person that is for you by being who you truly are too.

Dear Diary – Entry #3

6/3/2020 – 2nd day of a 7 day Releasing and Cleansing Bath Ritual

Meditated after finishing immersions. I the wanted to go to zero void, so I seek out the void and ended up at the dark throne outside the universe. My skin was blue black and I was humongous. My body became All. I can see the arm of the dark throne threw my arm and can see the outline of my arm at the same time. My arm and legs body was one with the universe. My body was reflective of the universe. I was the universe and the universe was me….One. Then I decided to get up and walk around the throne to explore the area because I never have. I’ve always come to the dark throne and just sat on it but since I was controlling this meditation I decided to explore. The ground was dark and rocky, like a dessert rocky terrain. Standing behind the throne I could see the explosions happening in the far off distance of the universe. Then I kicked the dark throne and saw that it sat on top of a dark rocky sphere as it moved away from me. The force from the kick forced me backwards into a white space beyond the void that was the beginning point of the universe. In this white space it wasn’t really white, it’s staticky like a black and white tv. As I looked closer the static is 0 1 code moving rapidly. “See through the code”, just like Neo in the matrix. See the space within the space. I started to see my universe body as atoms, the space with the space. The code that creates all. As I pulled myself back into the void I could see the code that made up the universe. The white space behind me appeared as a bright room behind a “curtain of universe”. As I turned away the curtain closed showing me that I got to see behind the veil. I could see the code in the universe explosions. I used my hand to push on the code and thought mountain and out came a mountain. I pushed on the code in another place, thought Eiffel tower and saw the Eiffel tower. I called on the guardian of the dark throne and saw he was made of the “guardian” code. Then I went to earths sun and saw the code that made up the sun. Then I wanted to see the code of earth and saw the barrier around earth and noticed dark 0s & 1s in the code and started to remove them or tap them to turn gold. Then I wanted to see myself and see my code. I came upon myself in the tub and thought “see the code” and I code see dark 0s & 1s in parts of my aura. So I decided to do a scan to remove the dark codes and as I started to remove the dark codes and tap some to turn gold it was like a warning alarm went off. A swirl of dark grayish black spiral swirl of matter began flowing out of me. My body started to tingle and I started to feel fear. So I forced myself to not fall into fear and retreat. As I stayed in the moment I was being forced by this grayish matter to come out of meditative state. The alarm red color started to overcome me as the gray black matter spread so wide it blocked me from seeing myself in the tub. My third eye started to glitch. So I grabbed hold of the gray black matter and started to pull it off of me and slung it beyond the barrier of earth. Then I went back to myself and pulled off a layer of gray matter off my aura and threw it beyond the barrier. Then I started to tap gold the dark 0 & 1 codes, “turn gold”. Then I started to feel tingly in my shoulders and back of neck. I went in and pulled from the back of my neck where the bone protrudes a scorpion 🦂 looking parasite from there. I smashed it in my hands and threw it beyond the barrier. I finished turning my aura gold then I made myself invisible. I checked my invisibility status several times and I could not see myself but could see the bathtub with the water, the candle and crystals there. I left myself and went beyond the barrier, grabbed the gray black matter, gray matter and the parasite and threw it in the sun to dissolve it. Then I went back to the dark throne, checked in on myself and I was still invisible. Could only see the tub and what not. Then I started saying OM internally in the tub to solidify the cleanse, said thank you and came back to.

Birthing Pains

We are going through a birthing. A new Earth is emerging from an old, broken, run down and no longer able to function properly Earth. This is the transitioning of 5D from 3D that so many speak about. The misconception is that it’s an actual new planet earth or a physical new heaven, because it’s not. It’s a higher level of vibrations, a higher view to see the whole picture, which means a higher perspective is dawning. One where the Universal Law of One is honored. One where the respect of duality is honored. One where the roles of humans, animals, plants, dimensional beings, and all things metaphysical are honored and respected. The pain, discontent, and emotional rollercoaster we are all on right now is necessary and a part of the birthing process just like when a woman gives birth. The pain, discontent and emotional rollercoaster she feels isn’t caused by the baby….. it’s caused by the birthing process and that part of the process can’t be skipped.

Old 3D earth has to go through birthing aka the 4D portal to rise up to the new 5D earth

What we should be doing right now is grounding ourselves and helping Mother Earth ground in this new level of energy. Captured in many books written within oppressive societies, humans are made to feel less than and puny among the “gods”. But in reality the “gods” envied humans because we were originally created to be able to navigate the spiritual and the physical realms simultaneously. We are the bridge, the portal between the dimensional realms, the physical and spiritual planes of existence. Through us, I’m specifically talking to melanated people, we can anchor in these new energies. The People of the Sun aka The Sun Kissed Skin aka melanated people are the protectors of this Earth and have the genetics to anchor in the new energy.

*Please take note that all of us have different levels of melanin in our bodies ranging from 100% to 0% and the color of your skin reflects that. So, if you have any melanin in your body you can assist in the anchoring of these high vibrational energies.
Dictionary.com – What is Melanated skin? A dark brown coloring found in the body, especially in the skin and hair. Produced by special skin cells that are sensitive to sunlight, melanin protects the body by absorbing ultraviolet radiation from the sun.

The new energy I speak of is on the higher scale of the electromagnetic spectrum and this scale has radio waves/red as low frequency energy and ultraviolent waves/purple as high frequency waves. The EMF scale also reflects how our chakras are arranged regarding a low frequency/red/root chakra to a high frequency/purple/crown chakra. These higher levels of radiation that are deemed as unhealthy and problematic by non-melanated people is only that way towards them. Our genetic nature, our melanin is activated and energized by the sun and cosmic radiation (higher vibrational energy). We are the righteous, those who can survive under the frequencies on the right side of the EMF Spectrum.

One of the reasons this shift is occurring is because, malevolent beings enslaved this earth and has been able to entrap us and stagnant our spiritual growth by creating an electric, negative ion barrier around earth (electric is the masculine aspect of energy, magnetic is the feminine aspect of energy). This barrier would reflect higher vibrational energy away and allow low vibrational energy through, which caused an imbalance in the energies on earth. This helped keep earth, as a whole, in a very low vibrational state and all things patriarchal/masculine/electric driven started to run rampant on earth because the divine feminine/magnetic was repressed. By doing this, these malevolent beings unhinged the Law of Duality on earth. Wars, famine, dis-ease, a narcissistic society and so on are all created within low vibrational states of being and these malevolent beings feed off the negative, low vibrational energy produced.

Electric barrier around Earth

The current state we are in right now has been talked about for ages in every culture that’s graced this planet because they knew balance would eventually restore itself. They knew the universe would correct the mess these malevolent beings caused. The electric barrier that surrounded earth has been dissolved and the shifting of these dimensional planes is allowing higher vibrational energy to penetrate through to Earth and with the return of the Divine Feminine, Earth’s spiritual imbalance is being restored back into balance. To restore the balance the old earth, the old ways, the current leaders and everything associated with those malevolent beings must be broken down and destroyed to be able to build a new earth with a solid foundation based on balanced universal laws. The establishment associated with those malevolent beings is fighting very hard to try to maintain their control, but out of this chaos will come order.

Based on everything I’ve listed above, remove your human emotions out of the way and think about all the injustice that has been done to melanated people all over this earth, the injustice done to women all over this earth, and the backwardness of society. Where teachers are paid scrapes but a guy that can shoot a basketball gets paid millions, a nurse (who have been predominantly women) is looked at as less than a doctor (who have been predominantly men) when they do all the dirty work, how people can’t afford food or a decent place to live, but politicians can raise millions to run for an office, or how the government can come up with trillions of dollars to fund bail outs to major companies, but there are people in this country trying to live off of minimum wage. Now, open your eye and your spirit and see how over the past decade or so melanated people have risen in positions and in power and women as a whole have risen in positions and in power. Melanated women have embraced their natural power, their natural hair, left religion behind and embraced their ancestral practices. Those steps were the Divine Feminine returning to Earth which helped awaken Mother Earth. This current state and this shift we are in right now has been in the works for a long time. Using our powers to perform grounding rituals, grounding spells, spending time in the sun barefoot and earthing and carrying grounding tools, stones, etc. are the practices we need to be doing right now to assist.

Sister Energies – “Sa Sekhem Sahu”

Ephesians 6:12, KJV: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Epiphany – Golden Vibes

Right when you think you know something the universe says, nope think again. This moment I’m about to talk about falls into my constant reminder to myself that “there’s levels to this”. Last night was a new moon, so I wrote out a list of things I would like to work on or come to be during this new moon cycle. For once my list was simple and didn’t have any of the normal things I listed before. For example, I would list financial stability, making new friends or finding my soul tribe. But this time I listed to learn more about myself my true nature, go inner more, and bring balance to my family and myself. After I made this list I felt I should do a new moon oracle deck reading and the urge was to specifically ask my 9D self some questions. The questions that came to mind were “what do I need to know, what do you need me to know”? The cards pulled and the messages with each was not what I expected but once I settled my mind and removed my own subjective thoughts, a greater understanding and communication from my 9D self came through. The overall message was: “That I need to dive deeper. I can’t stop where I’m at in my progress, I have to pull back the layers of myself like a rose and find the core of myself, the deepest meaning of myself. What is at the core of a rose?

So, after compiling that message into something comprehensible I started doing what I always do after an insightful reading, I start googling terms from the message to see where it leads. First I searched the phrase “core of a rose” and came across images of the main center parts of flowers. While seeing these pictures over and over, the number 3 stood out to me. So I changed up the wording of the search to the “center of a rose”, then all these images of the center of the rose popped up and in these pictures I saw a galaxy within the rose. Tiny stars surrounded by cosmic web filaments. I was stunned and in awe and took a moment to admire the beauty.

Then the thought of the Amorea Flame that is in our activated higher heart-thymus chakra and the Threefold Founder Flames came to mind. The only place that talks about these subjects is Energetic Synthesis. So, I moseyed on over to that site but all the links I had already had open in my phone were not to the ES Ascension Glossary where I can read about the Amorea Flame. So, I had to go through the main page to get to the Ascension Glossary and normally when I have to do this it opens to the introduction page of the glossary. But last night it opened to a page I’ve never seen before. The Ascension Glossary opened to a page about the Ra Center and as I read the first paragraph I had to stop because I needed to rub my temples from the overwhelming explosion happening in my mind.

Back in 2017, I was shown a secret about the “golden orb” on a galactic ship. Then I was portaled to the south of Africa in a red dirt bush country to teach the people about the golden orb. While teaching a native, we were in secrecy behind a bush hiding the information I was sharing with him and keeping a watchful eye. After I awakened from that experience, I was on a mission to learn what this golden orb is because how was I supposed to teach people about it if I don’t even know what it is. In 2018, I finally came across some information that started to put the pieces of this mystery together for me but instead of creating a single level picture, it started to create a multi-leveled picture. I eventually learned that the golden orb/golden energy means different things depending on the perspective, dimension or density. Golden energy can be associated with the 8th Chakra, the flame in your higher heart chakra, the energy in your solar plexus area and the gold flame (14th chakra) apart of the Threefold Founder Flames aka God Heads relating to the 13th, 14th and 15th chakras.

Here’s my take on what I read last night, which I know I will have to read a few more times and research certain subjects more to be able to truly grasp it all. So, after reading about the Ra Center and its association with those areas, I had an epiphany. All that I learned about the golden orb/golden energy all intertwined and up to that moment I did not see the connection. The golden orb/golden energy is in 4 areas of the body and each golden energy that I’ve discovered so far all match up to those 4 areas. Each golden energy area needs to be discovered separately so you can work on the area, purge the area and heal the area before they can connect and help to pull your 4 bodies (ego, soul, oversoul and avatar) into balance. At the same time, the merging of your male aspects (electric, negative, father, rod) and female aspects (magnetic, positive, mother, arc) will also begin to merge and bring you into balance. And all of this merging and balancing of the 4 bodies and the male and female aspects will be the beginning of all your multi-dimensional selves merging as well.

“Activate your golden vibes”

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/RA_Center

It’s All Good

To focus on only positive energy and everything associated with positivity when you become conscious is a disservice to universal law. The uninverse is duality and to focus on only one aspect over another limits your ability to fully comprehend creation. It’s a nice concept to be positive all the time and think good thoughts and keep your vibes high to stay connected to your spirit guides and what not. But what are you supposed to do when you have a bad day and everything is going wrong? Fake your happiness, put on one of those smiling masks and half wit your way through the day? No!

Understanding divine law is very important and necessary when your conscious. Bad days will happen, you know why? Because good days happen. The key with either day is being grateful and staying mindful regardless of the type of day your having. More importantly, sometimes flipping off a driver that cut you off will do your soul better than acting like them cutting you off didn’t bother you at all. Healthy expressions of anger is needed, healthy expressions of cussing somebody out that deserves it is needed.

One thing I do admire from the Bible stories of Jesus is that he didn’t take no shit. When preachers would read some passages of the New Testament on the actions of Jesus, they seemed to down play them and make it seem like Jesus was sweet and nice all the time. But that’s definitely not the impression I got of Jesus from some stories, in particular these two.

Story 1: The story about Jesus raising Lazarus. Long story short, the reason Jesus waited to raise Lazarus was because he was busy. Even after being approached several times by friends and family of Lazarus, Jesus had his breaking point and ended up telling one lady off. I took that passage as him saying “Bi***, I’ll be there when I get there.” My interpretation is a little harsh but that’s how I interpreted it. Jesus didn’t stop the work he was doing for just one person even if it was his friend. He prioritized and made a decision to deal with something when he had the time to. Shoot, it wasn’t like Lazarus was going anywhere!

Story 2: The story about Jesus and the Temple. I absolutely loved this story as kid and greatly more as an adult. When Jesus came upon the Temple and the people were using it basically as a flea market. He flipped out and kicked all the people out the temple. In my head, I saw him flipping tables over, beating people with sticks, throwing stuff at people and so on. Jesus was not about being disrespected or having places connected to him disrespected either.

Being able to accept the good and bad, positive and negative in your life and more importantly, in yourself is one of the greatest accomplishments one can achieve while walking the conscious path.

Just Don’t Feel Right

As I sit here in my mother’s church on Easter, I just don’t feel right. As I listen to the preacher read from the Bible and preach his sermon, I stir at the window panes of white biblical figures in a predominantly black church….. I just don’t feel right. As they continually sing and preach about Jesus a made up name to a real historical figure who’s story was taken and changed to fit agenda, I just don’t feel right. As they call him the king of Jews and we are predominantly black church and the Jewish community doesn’t even support us in our strife and injustices that happen to us in our city, I just don’t feel right. As my sister and my mom get on my kids about bowing their head to pray and standing during songs, I just don’t feel right.

Am I doing the right thing by still participating on this Christian holiday when I know this religion is so false and these religious folks don’t even know what and where Easter comes from? Now, I’ve shared with my children facts on why we are no longer Christians and have fully engulfed spirituality in the ways we see fit, but I still “celebrate” Easter and Christmas. More so, because I love the Christmas and Easter holiday, decorating, giving gifts and eating good food. But I just don’t feel right having to submit myself and my kids to being disciplined for not following these church rules or sitting through hearing the things that I’ve taught them are the reasons why we don’t do the church thing anymore.

For next year, I’m going to have to put more thought into this because I can no longer be contradictory to my beliefs.

Angels in Disguise

This blog is going to be all over the place. I’m more so collecting my thoughts, information and visions all in one space to share with others and to also help myself figure this subject all out. 

This Nipsey Hussle murder has really done a number on me. Not for the reasons that so many people display on social media because they knew him, his music and community activism. See, I didn’t know Nipsey, didn’t know any of his Music or about his community activism, I knew nothing of him. I’ve seen photos of him solo or with Laura London on Facebook a couple of times but that’s it. So, I’ve been asking myself since his murder happened, “why am I affected by this, why am I drawn to this person and this unfortunate event?” The answer I received and the way I received it was oddly put together, but I got the answers I was seeking.

Monday, April Fool’s Day, was another day of following the Nipsey tragedy on Facebook. That night I decided to do my nightly cleansing bath and I was looking for one of my favorite YouTube meditation videos, but all these angel and light worker videos showed up on my YouTube feed. I kept swiping past them not paying those videos any mind, then I came across a new guy, Enoch The Freestyle Prince who popped up on my feed. I’ve never watched a video of his, so I found it odd that the number of videos from him was saturating my feed. I finally stopped at one of his videos because the title jumped out to me and the video was called gang stalking. I knew that this person had to be a “woke” person because I don’t watch crap on this YouTube account and the title gang stalking seemed out of place because I mentally tied it to gangs. Surprisingly, the video was about him talking about lightworkers/angels being stalked by demons in plain sight aka gang stalking. Watching this guy speak, I was taken back by the way he talked and how he looked because he was very hood, very street but he was talking about something so spiritual and obviously was familiar with the topic from his own experience. To see someone so street but in tuned was shocking to me at first but then I felt guilty because angels come through in any avenue we can to help bring forth the greater good and sustain balance. The guy went on to list ways to notice when you are being gang stalked, for example; you could be walking down the street and a person could be walking towards you and they just begin to stare at you. The staring makes you uncomfortable because this person is deliberately staring you down for no apparent reason. He is saying that this is a demon taking notice of you and keeping an eye on you. This video hit home on so many different levels but to stay on topic with Nipsey, he just kept mentioning angels and lightworkers interchangeably and it made me think that maybe this is how Nipsey was. Nipsey was very street and a former gang banger, so maybe this was a glimpse into his world. The thought of Nipsey being a “woke” person and falling into this group of street level spirituality that knew of themselves and the happenings in this world. But once again I was going to be schooled on my skewed thought process later that night. 

After watching the gang stalking video, I went on Facebook and a video was on my feed of an interview Nipsey did. To be honest I can’t remember exactly what the video was about, but it showed a RIP with his birthday being August 15, 1985 and instantly I heard a voice in my head say “He was apart of your soul group.” I immediately was saddened and taken back but still didn’t understand what that meant. I’ve ran across people with a birthday around mine, even on the same day of August 16 and felt no connection to them at all. So, learning that Nipsey and I shared a portal/zodiac around the same time of birth opened my eyes up to the significance of soul groups but gave me more questions on what exactly a “soul group” was. I’ve read articles about finding your soul group, plus, I thought finding someone from your soul group would be people I would actually encounter in real life. Then it made me wonder, well what soul group am Nipsey and I apart of? And why was I told this.

After my cleansing bath, I went to bed with the gang stalking video, Nipsey, his birthday of August 15 and the message “our soul group” on the brain. So rather than ponder on this by myself, I asked for better understanding on why Nipsey’s murder has taken a toll on me and what all this information I just learned meant. Well, the saying is “be careful of what you ask for” because I got my answer. While sleeping I started having a “dream” and in this dream I knew Nipsey. In my dream he looked different but familiar and the familiarity was more of a feeling of knowing him than how he actually looked. While I was near him, he grabbed my hand and started to beam, light up, his soul shine through and levitate. He was an “angel” and when I saw that he was “angel” I kind of came out of the dream but went back in because the revelation was so strong. I started to cry and mourn when I realized what he was and that I was like him. I was saddened, my heart was heavy, and I started rolling back and forth in my bed because of the burden of knowing who he truly was, why he was really killed and the multiple agendas that were fulfilled by killing him and more importantly; the connection between myself and him. This dream was another awakening to learn about myself and why I’m here on Earth currently. I could no longer deny the things I’ve been shown about myself prior to Nipsey’s death and the effect his death has had on me in the dream and in my waking life.  It’s to the point that I started writing this blog the week of his death and was side tracked by work and life but completing it has been pulling at me to get it done. My experiences and my knowings must be shared, not for me or for Nipsey but to make it known that what we are taught about “angels” from religion, scholar studies or from so-called personal encounters are very skewed. 

This may not be new information, but I’ll start off with it to make a general point on how confused people have become running with these tales from the past. First off, angles don’t have wings like a bird. Angels were depicted like that in art and sculptures because humans couldn’t comprehend a person taking flight like a bird without wings, so to describe a person that was “heavenly” that could fly they drew angels in human form with wings to depict their capability of flying. Also, angles aren’t human, they’re celestial energy or celestial light beings and that energy takes on a body just like any other soul or energy that incarnates on Earth. With that said, celestial energy can incarnate into a human at different stages of the human body. Celestials can be incarnated via the birth of a baby or take on a human form during a quick visit based on who they’re interacting with. Regardless of when and which form we take, the common denominator will be that we won’t fit in to the society norms, even when we try and even when we look the part our energy will always give us away. Our talents, thoughts and the way we move on this Earth will always stand out even when we try to hide and stay low key. The so-called lime light or center of attention will always find us. People, animals, and nature will gravitate towards us and so will the negative energies and entities. We carry the foundational light codes of the universe which are the codes of divine truth, divine balance and the divine laws. When we are in flesh we feel and experience emotions just like everyone else, but we are capable of moving those emotions to the side to do what is just. I say just because there isn’t really a right and wrong or good and bad in the universe, there’s only just according to divine law.

I used to ask at a very young age, why did bad things happen in this world. But as a child I was looking at that question from a religious point of view and how religion teaches people about good and evil. I remember as a child, I would have disassociations after bad things would happen to me and a voice would always try to comfort me saying it was supposed to happen. I would become angry and even more upset because I knew deep down due to me being claircognizant, I know everything happenfor a reason but why was it happening to me. Those reasons would always reveal themselves as the karmic balance was restored after a “bad” event. I’ve always been able to see the truth in all events, good or bad. Ive always been able to see the order out of the chaos and one of the main laws the universe is bound by is karma. Yes, seeing people even children dying in wars is terrible but out of that chaos order will arise. In people’s limited understanding and scope of the world, humans aren’t able to see pass their emotions so war will always be bad or an evil thing to them. But as Ive heard mention in several tv shows and movies, war is a necessary evil. After every war of chaos, order will be restored, of course until the next war of chaos occurs to restore divine balance somewhere else on Earth, or in the galaxy and the universe.

So remember, celestials walk amongst us, celestials are humans in a fleshly disguise so be mindful of how you treat others because angels/celestials are directly linked to the creator. Through karmic law humans are tried and tested through the celestials interacting with them. When you encounter people, always go by that person’s vibe or energy, that’s how you’ll know if you’re interacting with a celestial being. Their energy will be magnetize you and fill you with joy and hope!

 

Complacency: Reflections of Self

After achieving what I thought I should as an adult, all those “accomplishments” lead to deep heart ache, pain, unhappiness and finding myself feeling empty, unsatisfied and alone.

After several months of being stuck in a void and I’m using the word void because I wasn’t sad or depressed, but I was in a state of emotionless. While in this void, my mind was on constant repeat, thinking the same thoughts over and over again. What am I doing wrong? How am I 34 and I don’t have anything together? Why do I feel so lost? While away on a trip I discovered several different topics and articles on Facebook that kept catching my interest. Figured if something keeps popping up I need to start paying attention to it. This began my journey into the unknown….. so I thought.

This journey of self-love, inner-peace, becoming spiritually in tune to my real self. The real Me and not who I think I should be, or who I thought I should be as a child or even when I thought I was in college, and definitely not who society says I should be. More importantly, not who my mom or my family think I should be or should have been.

My mind works differently from most, I noticed this at an early age. Always questioning life, rules, nature, adults and authority. Never took answers at face value and always wanted to learn beyond the surface. My mind sees disorder, chaos, things out of place and automatically starts analyzing and correcting them. I always thought it was my OCD until it enhanced my career by finding the flaws in a facility and their programs and on a personal level giving great advice. Unfortunately, it also gives off the persona of a “know it all” or always having something to say. Had to learn with maturity when to speak my truth and when to let people figure it out on their own. More importantly, not beat myself up when they fail or don’t figure it out. I’m a fixer by nature but everything and everyone doesn’t want to be fixed. Sometimes its best for things and people to stay broken. Can’t save the world by draining myself in the process. Learned to pick my battles so I can have successful wars.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

golden mirror

I had a very intriguing session yesterday with my therapist. While discussing my digestion of the recent discovery of my ex-husband being a narcissistic sociopath, we decided to dive deeper into my relationships with “me focused” people.

This deep dive project made me tell my therapist about some memories that arose when a lot of different events, including the past 4 years of my life with my ex-husband started to put a lot of scattered puzzle pieces of my life together. For example, one key puzzle piece was that my dad was abusive and based on the things my mom has told me about things he did to her while married he is definitely a narcissist and my granddad was more than likely a narcissistic sociopath based on the family stories I’ve heard about him; which are 10 times worse than what my dad was doing to my mom. So there’s definitely a generational curse going on on my dad side with this mental disease. One of the memories that arose was one of my granddad when I was in high school around the time when he was falling ill with lung cancer. My dad was in town and left me and my sister at my granddad’s for some quality time. I was at his apartment trying to heat up some food in his microwave, but he had an older microwave and I didn’t know how to work it. I had to ask him more than once how to use it because he was being short with his answers like he was annoyed with me. Maybe, this was my third time asking him how to set the minutes and before I could finish getting my ask out he pushed me hard out of the way, started yelling at me and calling me names. My therapist asked me do I remember what I did and I replied that during that time in my life whenever anyone would yell at me it would remind me of hearing my parents arguing and I would freeze and I would block everything out. So in that moment I froze, blocked him out and walked away.

Then I continued to tell my therapist that prior to my family moving to another state I went to stay with my granddad for a little bit when I was 4 while my mom was getting everything in place with her new job and the house. I don’t remember staying with him, but this is what I was told and based on one story my mom would tell. When she went to go get me from him after this extended stay, she passed this dirty little girl riding on a big wheel bike and she thinks “ahh she’s a really cute girl somebody should wash her up, do her hair and be out here watching her.” When she gets to my granddad’s apartment she asks for me and he replies, she’s outside riding her bike you probably passed her. My mom then immediately turns from him, goes and picks up that cute, dirty little girl she passed not knowing it was me and leaves without grabbing any of my things. I then relay to my therapist that I am concerned, now knowing what my granddad may have been, what I may have been exposed to while living with him during that period of time. My therapist tells me if the body has no response to the thought of him then maybe, just maybe I don’t have anything to worry about but as these memories arise in due time will tell.

So I’m assuming to pull my focus from feeling helpless in this situation, my therapist asked me to think of a friend that I had or have that wasn’t “me focused” and to be honest I had to really search through my memories to find a person that wasn’t. Majority of all the people in my life that I befriended or more so befriended me were
“me focused”. A lot of friends that had befriended me was for their sole purpose only. For example, I’m very smart and in high school and college a lot of people would befriend me to help them with their assignments or get notes for class or to try to cheat off of. Once they realized that I wasn’t going to allow them to cheat off of me or I was going to make them put in work when we had group assignments those people would eventually fall to the waste side. But a course the narcissists, the tricksters, the manipulators knew just how to pull on the heart strings or spin their web to make me believe they were really my friend while they used me.

After thinking for a minute or two, I finally thought of a person that wasn’t anything like any of these “me focused” friends. My therapist then asked me to list what was different about this person and the main things that came to mind was this person was mellow, focused on their children and wasn’t visually self-conscious about their image. Then my therapist stated “so you said this person was mellow like their vibrations were low, mellow toned”, then asked me how did this make me feel? I replied it made me feel uncomfortable and like in typical therapist fashion she asked “why” and I replied, because I’m not used to mellow, I’m use to people who are high wired, high vibration and at the same time we both say “chaotic”. Then another puzzle piece fell into place, maybe I’m gravitating towards people who are “me focused”, high vibratory because that’s familiar. I grew up in a household that was “me focused” and chaotic. My entire life has been nothing but chaos, whenever there is a moment of peace or mellowness I feel uncomfortable and become anxious. That’s why I’ve always been a busy body, constantly active which leads to being burnt out and stressed out on the regular.  But also kept me from having to think or wallow in the pain that was my life.

I do want to know what’s “wrong”with me and what I need to do to fix the deep dark parts of me to make myself whole, especially after going through a traumatic marriage and separation. At first when I learned that I’m partly to blame for some of these hardwired poor decisions it saddened me and made me think that I’m way more screwed up than I originally thought. No wonder I attract crap in my life. But after a day of processing, I became inspired and felt better knowing this information.

So Mirror, Mirror on the Wall …. no I’m not to blame for what is attracted to me and no I’m not to blame for what I’m attracted to, but I am responsible for my attractions after I’m made aware to these factors that have made me hardwired to this dysfunction. Time to choose wisely. Time to change the woman in the mirror!