Dear Diary – Entry #2

The below drawing is my very first “journal” entry I made when I started writing down my thoughts and documenting my visions, dreams and meditations. I don’t know why I drew it, it was just something that came through while I was doodling trying to figure out what to start the notebook off with. After I was done drawing it made complete sense that it represented me at that moment.

12/4/2016

Drawing Analysis: I was thinking Jupiter but drew Saturn and this mix up happens all the time with me regarding these planets. Later I would learn about the significance of both planets in relation to myself and their interactions with each other. Jupiter being the benevolent planet and Saturn being the malevolent planet. Polarities, Enki and Enlil.

Moon and sun being polarities and very prominent in my being. I’m a solar creature but also a moon child. I gain my power and stability from both the sun and the moon. I absorb the sun for my physical nutrients and the moon for my spiritual nutrition. Moon being feminine and the sun being masculine, magnetic and electric selves represented.

The star is my 3rd eye and I drew both physical eyes and 3rd eye wide open which they’ve always been.

My mind (upper self) on the stars, the universe, the heavenly bodies. My mouth (lower self) in paradise, exploring nature and speaking with the natural orders.

It’s All Good

To focus on only positive energy and everything associated with positivity when you become conscious is a disservice to universal law. The uninverse is duality and to focus on only one aspect over another limits your ability to fully comprehend creation. It’s a nice concept to be positive all the time and think good thoughts and keep your vibes high to stay connected to your spirit guides and what not. But what are you supposed to do when you have a bad day and everything is going wrong? Fake your happiness, put on one of those smiling masks and half wit your way through the day? No!

Understanding divine law is very important and necessary when your conscious. Bad days will happen, you know why? Because good days happen. The key with either day is being grateful and staying mindful regardless of the type of day your having. More importantly, sometimes flipping off a driver that cut you off will do your soul better than acting like them cutting you off didn’t bother you at all. Healthy expressions of anger is needed, healthy expressions of cussing somebody out that deserves it is needed.

One thing I do admire from the Bible stories of Jesus is that he didn’t take no shit. When preachers would read some passages of the New Testament on the actions of Jesus, they seemed to down play them and make it seem like Jesus was sweet and nice all the time. But that’s definitely not the impression I got of Jesus from some stories, in particular these two.

Story 1: The story about Jesus raising Lazarus. Long story short, the reason Jesus waited to raise Lazarus was because he was busy. Even after being approached several times by friends and family of Lazarus, Jesus had his breaking point and ended up telling one lady off. I took that passage as him saying “Bi***, I’ll be there when I get there.” My interpretation is a little harsh but that’s how I interpreted it. Jesus didn’t stop the work he was doing for just one person even if it was his friend. He prioritized and made a decision to deal with something when he had the time to. Shoot, it wasn’t like Lazarus was going anywhere!

Story 2: The story about Jesus and the Temple. I absolutely loved this story as kid and greatly more as an adult. When Jesus came upon the Temple and the people were using it basically as a flea market. He flipped out and kicked all the people out the temple. In my head, I saw him flipping tables over, beating people with sticks, throwing stuff at people and so on. Jesus was not about being disrespected or having places connected to him disrespected either.

Being able to accept the good and bad, positive and negative in your life and more importantly, in yourself is one of the greatest accomplishments one can achieve while walking the conscious path.

Just Don’t Feel Right

As I sit here in my mother’s church on Easter, I just don’t feel right. As I listen to the preacher read from the Bible and preach his sermon, I stir at the window panes of white biblical figures in a predominantly black church….. I just don’t feel right. As they continually sing and preach about Jesus a made up name to a real historical figure who’s story was taken and changed to fit agenda, I just don’t feel right. As they call him the king of Jews and we are predominantly black church and the Jewish community doesn’t even support us in our strife and injustices that happen to us in our city, I just don’t feel right. As my sister and my mom get on my kids about bowing their head to pray and standing during songs, I just don’t feel right.

Am I doing the right thing by still participating on this Christian holiday when I know this religion is so false and these religious folks don’t even know what and where Easter comes from? Now, I’ve shared with my children facts on why we are no longer Christians and have fully engulfed spirituality in the ways we see fit, but I still “celebrate” Easter and Christmas. More so, because I love the Christmas and Easter holiday, decorating, giving gifts and eating good food. But I just don’t feel right having to submit myself and my kids to being disciplined for not following these church rules or sitting through hearing the things that I’ve taught them are the reasons why we don’t do the church thing anymore.

For next year, I’m going to have to put more thought into this because I can no longer be contradictory to my beliefs.

Introduction to the Complacent Journey

journey2

The word complacency means pleased with oneself and I truly feel that this fits where I am in my life. That’s why I choose it to define my blog personality. I’m not perfect and neither is my life but I’m starting to be okay with the idea of stumbling around and learning as I go. Picking up the pieces of my missteps and mishaps along the way and waking up with one main goal in mind each day; which is to live in a state of mindfulness.

With that said, I’m on a journey of self-love after experiencing a spiritual awakening after a very traumatic event in my life a few months ago. How did I know it was a “spiritual awakening”? Well, for once in my life something terrible happened to me and I wasn’t mad or sad about it. I really couldn’t place a title to my feelings to the range of events that I was going through at that time other than I felt numb. Nothing felt right and normally I drive into the bible and into praying but I didn’t and I didn’t want to. It wasn’t out of anger towards God like I would do sometimes because like I said I wasn’t mad. I just had no desire to take that normal route, didn’t see the point in it. I knew that it wouldn’t fix how I was feeling. Plus, I’ve had bad experiences and bad events in my life before and I always turned to religion. It feels odd to say this but in that numbness it was like my mind was opened to a portal of endless life questions and one key question that was on constant repeat was “why keep doing the same ol’ things expecting different results” and my religion fell into that re-evaluation. Once that door was finally ripped off the hinges and I no longer had any inhibitions to not look beyond religion for the answers to “life”, that’s when the spiritual awakening occurred and my true healing began.

As I try to navigate through this new outlook and state of mind on life that I have, I will document my journey and be as honest and as truthful as possible about my experiences. By documenting them in this manner I’m hoping it will also help in my healing process from all my past pains and be helpful for other inquiring minds that want to do the same as I and step off of the societal merry-go-round.

“Strange is normal and whoever tells you otherwise should check their sanity.” The Complacent Mind