Xtina

Looking at the moon and knowing there’s more to life than what’s on this planet  helps to keep me going. Looking up at the sky always calmed me and helped me keep all worries in my mind at bay. Looking up instantly brings a “home” feeling to my soul. 

I always wondered if the universe was just one big brain because the galaxies look like nerve ends and synopsis connections. So many of the astral forms in space reflect cells and connective tissues like in our bodies. Is the universe a living organism just like us?! Can this be a question or a statement?! 

The moon feels like love when I see her and sun warms me like an embrace from a man that I’ve been desiring for like ever. My heart and soul lies with the stars. I’m drawn to the X in the sky and have been drawned to it ever since I could remember. In high school I named the X in the sky Xtina. Never knew my X in the sky was a constellation,  pointed to Sirius A or housed the Orion Nebula. First time I saw this nebula I fell in love and was submerged in a feeling of wonder. Being drawn to the X in the sky was finally making sense. Home are we?!


Introduction to the Complacent Journey

journey2

The word complacency means pleased with oneself and I truly feel that this fits where I am in my life. That’s why I choose it to define my blog personality. I’m not perfect and neither is my life but I’m starting to be okay with the idea of stumbling around and learning as I go. Picking up the pieces of my missteps and mishaps along the way and waking up with one main goal in mind each day; which is to live in a state of mindfulness.

With that said, I’m on a journey of self-love after experiencing a spiritual awakening after a very traumatic event in my life a few months ago. How did I know it was a “spiritual awakening”? Well, for once in my life something terrible happened to me and I wasn’t mad or sad about it. I really couldn’t place a title to my feelings to the range of events that I was going through at that time other than I felt numb. Nothing felt right and normally I drive into the bible and into praying but I didn’t and I didn’t want to. It wasn’t out of anger towards God like I would do sometimes because like I said I wasn’t mad. I just had no desire to take that normal route, didn’t see the point in it. I knew that it wouldn’t fix how I was feeling. Plus, I’ve had bad experiences and bad events in my life before and I always turned to religion. It feels odd to say this but in that numbness it was like my mind was opened to a portal of endless life questions and one key question that was on constant repeat was “why keep doing the same ol’ things expecting different results” and my religion fell into that re-evaluation. Once that door was finally ripped off the hinges and I no longer had any inhibitions to not look beyond religion for the answers to “life”, that’s when the spiritual awakening occurred and my true healing began.

As I try to navigate through this new outlook and state of mind on life that I have, I will document my journey and be as honest and as truthful as possible about my experiences. By documenting them in this manner I’m hoping it will also help in my healing process from all my past pains and be helpful for other inquiring minds that want to do the same as I and step off of the societal merry-go-round.

“Strange is normal and whoever tells you otherwise should check their sanity.” The Complacent Mind