Angels in Disguise

This blog is going to be all over the place. I’m more so collecting my thoughts, information and visions all in one space to share with others and to also help myself figure this subject all out. 

This Nipsey Hussle murder has really done a number on me. Not for the reasons that so many people display on social media because they knew him, his music and community activism. See, I didn’t know Nipsey, didn’t know any of his Music or about his community activism, I knew nothing of him. I’ve seen photos of him solo or with Laura London on Facebook a couple of times but that’s it. So, I’ve been asking myself since his murder happened, “why am I affected by this, why am I drawn to this person and this unfortunate event?” The answer I received and the way I received it was oddly put together, but I got the answers I was seeking.

Monday, April Fool’s Day, was another day of following the Nipsey tragedy on Facebook. That night I decided to do my nightly cleansing bath and I was looking for one of my favorite YouTube meditation videos, but all these angel and light worker videos showed up on my YouTube feed. I kept swiping past them not paying those videos any mind, then I came across a new guy, Enoch The Freestyle Prince who popped up on my feed. I’ve never watched a video of his, so I found it odd that the number of videos from him was saturating my feed. I finally stopped at one of his videos because the title jumped out to me and the video was called gang stalking. I knew that this person had to be a “woke” person because I don’t watch crap on this YouTube account and the title gang stalking seemed out of place because I mentally tied it to gangs. Surprisingly, the video was about him talking about lightworkers/angels being stalked by demons in plain sight aka gang stalking. Watching this guy speak, I was taken back by the way he talked and how he looked because he was very hood, very street but he was talking about something so spiritual and obviously was familiar with the topic from his own experience. To see someone so street but in tuned was shocking to me at first but then I felt guilty because angels come through in any avenue we can to help bring forth the greater good and sustain balance. The guy went on to list ways to notice when you are being gang stalked, for example; you could be walking down the street and a person could be walking towards you and they just begin to stare at you. The staring makes you uncomfortable because this person is deliberately staring you down for no apparent reason. He is saying that this is a demon taking notice of you and keeping an eye on you. This video hit home on so many different levels but to stay on topic with Nipsey, he just kept mentioning angels and lightworkers interchangeably and it made me think that maybe this is how Nipsey was. Nipsey was very street and a former gang banger, so maybe this was a glimpse into his world. The thought of Nipsey being a “woke” person and falling into this group of street level spirituality that knew of themselves and the happenings in this world. But once again I was going to be schooled on my skewed thought process later that night. 

After watching the gang stalking video, I went on Facebook and a video was on my feed of an interview Nipsey did. To be honest I can’t remember exactly what the video was about, but it showed a RIP with his birthday being August 15, 1985 and instantly I heard a voice in my head say “He was apart of your soul group.” I immediately was saddened and taken back but still didn’t understand what that meant. I’ve ran across people with a birthday around mine, even on the same day of August 16 and felt no connection to them at all. So, learning that Nipsey and I shared a portal/zodiac around the same time of birth opened my eyes up to the significance of soul groups but gave me more questions on what exactly a “soul group” was. I’ve read articles about finding your soul group, plus, I thought finding someone from your soul group would be people I would actually encounter in real life. Then it made me wonder, well what soul group am Nipsey and I apart of? And why was I told this.

After my cleansing bath, I went to bed with the gang stalking video, Nipsey, his birthday of August 15 and the message “our soul group” on the brain. So rather than ponder on this by myself, I asked for better understanding on why Nipsey’s murder has taken a toll on me and what all this information I just learned meant. Well, the saying is “be careful of what you ask for” because I got my answer. While sleeping I started having a “dream” and in this dream I knew Nipsey. In my dream he looked different but familiar and the familiarity was more of a feeling of knowing him than how he actually looked. While I was near him, he grabbed my hand and started to beam, light up, his soul shine through and levitate. He was an “angel” and when I saw that he was “angel” I kind of came out of the dream but went back in because the revelation was so strong. I started to cry and mourn when I realized what he was and that I was like him. I was saddened, my heart was heavy, and I started rolling back and forth in my bed because of the burden of knowing who he truly was, why he was really killed and the multiple agendas that were fulfilled by killing him and more importantly; the connection between myself and him. This dream was another awakening to learn about myself and why I’m here on Earth currently. I could no longer deny the things I’ve been shown about myself prior to Nipsey’s death and the effect his death has had on me in the dream and in my waking life.  It’s to the point that I started writing this blog the week of his death and was side tracked by work and life but completing it has been pulling at me to get it done. My experiences and my knowings must be shared, not for me or for Nipsey but to make it known that what we are taught about “angels” from religion, scholar studies or from so-called personal encounters are very skewed. 

This may not be new information, but I’ll start off with it to make a general point on how confused people have become running with these tales from the past. First off, angles don’t have wings like a bird. Angels were depicted like that in art and sculptures because humans couldn’t comprehend a person taking flight like a bird without wings, so to describe a person that was “heavenly” that could fly they drew angels in human form with wings to depict their capability of flying. Also, angles aren’t human, they’re celestial energy or celestial light beings and that energy takes on a body just like any other soul or energy that incarnates on Earth. With that said, celestial energy can incarnate into a human at different stages of the human body. Celestials can be incarnated via the birth of a baby or take on a human form during a quick visit based on who they’re interacting with. Regardless of when and which form we take, the common denominator will be that we won’t fit in to the society norms, even when we try and even when we look the part our energy will always give us away. Our talents, thoughts and the way we move on this Earth will always stand out even when we try to hide and stay low key. The so-called lime light or center of attention will always find us. People, animals, and nature will gravitate towards us and so will the negative energies and entities. We carry the foundational light codes of the universe which are the codes of divine truth, divine balance and the divine laws. When we are in flesh we feel and experience emotions just like everyone else, but we are capable of moving those emotions to the side to do what is just. I say just because there isn’t really a right and wrong or good and bad in the universe, there’s only just according to divine law.

I used to ask at a very young age, why did bad things happen in this world. But as a child I was looking at that question from a religious point of view and how religion teaches people about good and evil. I remember as a child, I would have disassociations after bad things would happen to me and a voice would always try to comfort me saying it was supposed to happen. I would become angry and even more upset because I knew deep down due to me being claircognizant, I know everything happenfor a reason but why was it happening to me. Those reasons would always reveal themselves as the karmic balance was restored after a “bad” event. I’ve always been able to see the truth in all events, good or bad. Ive always been able to see the order out of the chaos and one of the main laws the universe is bound by is karma. Yes, seeing people even children dying in wars is terrible but out of that chaos order will arise. In people’s limited understanding and scope of the world, humans aren’t able to see pass their emotions so war will always be bad or an evil thing to them. But as Ive heard mention in several tv shows and movies, war is a necessary evil. After every war of chaos, order will be restored, of course until the next war of chaos occurs to restore divine balance somewhere else on Earth, or in the galaxy and the universe.

So remember, celestials walk amongst us, celestials are humans in a fleshly disguise so be mindful of how you treat others because angels/celestials are directly linked to the creator. Through karmic law humans are tried and tested through the celestials interacting with them. When you encounter people, always go by that person’s vibe or energy, that’s how you’ll know if you’re interacting with a celestial being. Their energy will be magnetize you and fill you with joy and hope!

 

Complacency: Reflections of Self

After achieving what I thought I should as an adult, all those “accomplishments” lead to deep heart ache, pain, unhappiness and finding myself feeling empty, unsatisfied and alone.

After several months of being stuck in a void and I’m using the word void because I wasn’t sad or depressed, but I was in a state of emotionless. While in this void, my mind was on constant repeat, thinking the same thoughts over and over again. What am I doing wrong? How am I 34 and I don’t have anything together? Why do I feel so lost? While away on a trip I discovered several different topics and articles on Facebook that kept catching my interest. Figured if something keeps popping up I need to start paying attention to it. This began my journey into the unknown….. so I thought.

This journey of self-love, inner-peace, becoming spiritually in tune to my real self. The real Me and not who I think I should be, or who I thought I should be as a child or even when I thought I was in college, and definitely not who society says I should be. More importantly, not who my mom or my family think I should be or should have been.

My mind works differently from most, I noticed this at an early age. Always questioning life, rules, nature, adults and authority. Never took answers at face value and always wanted to learn beyond the surface. My mind sees disorder, chaos, things out of place and automatically starts analyzing and correcting them. I always thought it was my OCD until it enhanced my career by finding the flaws in a facility and their programs and on a personal level giving great advice. Unfortunately, it also gives off the persona of a “know it all” or always having something to say. Had to learn with maturity when to speak my truth and when to let people figure it out on their own. More importantly, not beat myself up when they fail or don’t figure it out. I’m a fixer by nature but everything and everyone doesn’t want to be fixed. Sometimes its best for things and people to stay broken. Can’t save the world by draining myself in the process. Learned to pick my battles so I can have successful wars.

Xtina

Looking at the moon and knowing there’s more to life than what’s on this planet  helps to keep me going. Looking up at the sky always calmed me and helped me keep all worries in my mind at bay. Looking up instantly brings a “home” feeling to my soul. 

I always wondered if the universe was just one big brain because the galaxies look like nerve ends and synopsis connections. So many of the astral forms in space reflect cells and connective tissues like in our bodies. Is the universe a living organism just like us?! Can this be a question or a statement?! 

The moon feels like love when I see her and sun warms me like an embrace from a man that I’ve been desiring for like ever. My heart and soul lies with the stars. I’m drawn to the X in the sky and have been drawned to it ever since I could remember. In high school I named the X in the sky Xtina. Never knew my X in the sky was a constellation,  pointed to Sirius A or housed the Orion Nebula. First time I saw this nebula I fell in love and was submerged in a feeling of wonder. Being drawn to the X in the sky was finally making sense. Home are we?!


Poker Face


I cracked through my ego last week and it was a very emotional, high anxiety experience to say the least. Seeing the face you’ve worn for so long for what it really is is scary. Then your true self finally being able to be seen and heard for the first time is terrifying. I don’t know the true me and that’s scary and that’s what caused the high anxiety. Being able to finally distinguish between my egos voice and my real voice is a great feeling but my real voice is so soft spoken. Calming my ego and telling her to chill out and back off is tough. It’s like yelling at or reprimanding your 2 year old daughter. She’s your mini you and you never want to hurt her feelings in any way because it hurts you so much  when you have to discipline or correct her.

I have to keep telling myself that I am not my ego and I have to break the cycle of doing what I use to do because someone told me I should do it, should like it, should say it, should wear it, etc. I’ve never realized how many of my life choices were really somebody else’s choices that I took on as my own to either please someone, or didn’t want go against their beliefs or opinions, or I respected and looked up to so I never deared to question their choices and influence over me. Now as an adult and looking at my life choices and analyzing them against my childhood dreams, they don’t align and I really need to know how I lost my way. Finally finding my true voice will be able to help answer these questions. I don’t want to go along just to get along anymore and I’m definitely tired of the poker face. So if it’s going against the norm, disappointing others to stay true to myself, or whatever I’m going to do that because I done not being me for the sake of others. I will no longer let my ego trap me in a life of conforming.

Finally Seeing Through the Veils

The Goddess Circle is one of the sources I refer to for guidance and understanding ever since I had my spiritual awakening. I don’t remember how I came across this page on Facebook but I was searching for a place to feel comfortable finding answers to life questions and exploring my gifts.

After reading the below post, it was the cherry to the sundae of the past couple of weeks I’ve been having; specifically last week. “We have been seeing in our lives the sticky bits rising, the sore spots, the wounds, the things from the basement that want and need to be seen. We have been coming face to face with what we want to peel away once and for all.” This statement from the post right here, OH MY GOD! I’m a visual person and when I read that I saw tar rising through the “cracks” of me. Those painful hidden things began rising in me, picking and prodding and eventually put me in the hospital trying to come to the surface. But finally it was revealed to me this week what has been plaguing me or should I say parasitize me my whole entire life. I’m a great energy source for narcissistic people. I have had 5 narcissistic relationships that I can think of, 1 intimate one with a narcissistic sociopath who was my ex-husband that has left some painful scars. To be honest I don’t even know how bad the childhood and friendship narcissistic relationships have damaged me because my mental blocks and defenses won’t let me or even a trained trauma therapist for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) access those memories.

The flow of information and knowledge to me since I started on this journey has revealed a lot, some positive and now some negative. Early in my journey I learned that I’m a highly sensitive person, a very strong Empath. But unfortunately, that’s why I’m such a great source of energy for narcissists. Now, that I finally know the positive and negative attributes to myself, I can start truly healing and learning about myself in those relationships and how it wasn’t my fault and hopefully lose the guilt weight. I’m grateful for both the positive and negative, the light and the dark parts of me. I accept them both because they both have made me who I am and more importantly, who I will become.

 

Introduction to the Complacent Journey

journey2

The word complacency means pleased with oneself and I truly feel that this fits where I am in my life. That’s why I choose it to define my blog personality. I’m not perfect and neither is my life but I’m starting to be okay with the idea of stumbling around and learning as I go. Picking up the pieces of my missteps and mishaps along the way and waking up with one main goal in mind each day; which is to live in a state of mindfulness.

With that said, I’m on a journey of self-love after experiencing a spiritual awakening after a very traumatic event in my life a few months ago. How did I know it was a “spiritual awakening”? Well, for once in my life something terrible happened to me and I wasn’t mad or sad about it. I really couldn’t place a title to my feelings to the range of events that I was going through at that time other than I felt numb. Nothing felt right and normally I drive into the bible and into praying but I didn’t and I didn’t want to. It wasn’t out of anger towards God like I would do sometimes because like I said I wasn’t mad. I just had no desire to take that normal route, didn’t see the point in it. I knew that it wouldn’t fix how I was feeling. Plus, I’ve had bad experiences and bad events in my life before and I always turned to religion. It feels odd to say this but in that numbness it was like my mind was opened to a portal of endless life questions and one key question that was on constant repeat was “why keep doing the same ol’ things expecting different results” and my religion fell into that re-evaluation. Once that door was finally ripped off the hinges and I no longer had any inhibitions to not look beyond religion for the answers to “life”, that’s when the spiritual awakening occurred and my true healing began.

As I try to navigate through this new outlook and state of mind on life that I have, I will document my journey and be as honest and as truthful as possible about my experiences. By documenting them in this manner I’m hoping it will also help in my healing process from all my past pains and be helpful for other inquiring minds that want to do the same as I and step off of the societal merry-go-round.

“Strange is normal and whoever tells you otherwise should check their sanity.” The Complacent Mind