Dear Diary – Entry #3

6/3/2020 – 2nd day of a 7 day Releasing and Cleansing Bath Ritual

Meditated after finishing immersions. I the wanted to go to zero void, so I seek out the void and ended up at the dark throne outside the universe. My skin was blue black and I was humongous. My body became All. I can see the arm of the dark throne threw my arm and can see the outline of my arm at the same time. My arm and legs body was one with the universe. My body was reflective of the universe. I was the universe and the universe was me….One. Then I decided to get up and walk around the throne to explore the area because I never have. I’ve always come to the dark throne and just sat on it but since I was controlling this meditation I decided to explore. The ground was dark and rocky, like a dessert rocky terrain. Standing behind the throne I could see the explosions happening in the far off distance of the universe. Then I kicked the dark throne and saw that it sat on top of a dark rocky sphere as it moved away from me. The force from the kick forced me backwards into a white space beyond the void that was the beginning point of the universe. In this white space it wasn’t really white, it’s staticky like a black and white tv. As I looked closer the static is 0 1 code moving rapidly. “See through the code”, just like Neo in the matrix. See the space within the space. I started to see my universe body as atoms, the space with the space. The code that creates all. As I pulled myself back into the void I could see the code that made up the universe. The white space behind me appeared as a bright room behind a “curtain of universe”. As I turned away the curtain closed showing me that I got to see behind the veil. I could see the code in the universe explosions. I used my hand to push on the code and thought mountain and out came a mountain. I pushed on the code in another place, thought Eiffel tower and saw the Eiffel tower. I called on the guardian of the dark throne and saw he was made of the “guardian” code. Then I went to earths sun and saw the code that made up the sun. Then I wanted to see the code of earth and saw the barrier around earth and noticed dark 0s & 1s in the code and started to remove them or tap them to turn gold. Then I wanted to see myself and see my code. I came upon myself in the tub and thought “see the code” and I code see dark 0s & 1s in parts of my aura. So I decided to do a scan to remove the dark codes and as I started to remove the dark codes and tap some to turn gold it was like a warning alarm went off. A swirl of dark grayish black spiral swirl of matter began flowing out of me. My body started to tingle and I started to feel fear. So I forced myself to not fall into fear and retreat. As I stayed in the moment I was being forced by this grayish matter to come out of meditative state. The alarm red color started to overcome me as the gray black matter spread so wide it blocked me from seeing myself in the tub. My third eye started to glitch. So I grabbed hold of the gray black matter and started to pull it off of me and slung it beyond the barrier of earth. Then I went back to myself and pulled off a layer of gray matter off my aura and threw it beyond the barrier. Then I started to tap gold the dark 0 & 1 codes, “turn gold”. Then I started to feel tingly in my shoulders and back of neck. I went in and pulled from the back of my neck where the bone protrudes a scorpion 🦂 looking parasite from there. I smashed it in my hands and threw it beyond the barrier. I finished turning my aura gold then I made myself invisible. I checked my invisibility status several times and I could not see myself but could see the bathtub with the water, the candle and crystals there. I left myself and went beyond the barrier, grabbed the gray black matter, gray matter and the parasite and threw it in the sun to dissolve it. Then I went back to the dark throne, checked in on myself and I was still invisible. Could only see the tub and what not. Then I started saying OM internally in the tub to solidify the cleanse, said thank you and came back to.

Birthing Pains

We are going through a birthing. A new Earth is emerging from an old, broken, run down and no longer able to function properly Earth. This is the transitioning of 5D from 3D that so many speak about. The misconception is that it’s an actual new planet earth or a physical new heaven, because it’s not. It’s a higher level of vibrations, a higher view to see the whole picture, which means a higher perspective is dawning. One where the Universal Law of One is honored. One where the respect of duality is honored. One where the roles of humans, animals, plants, dimensional beings, and all things metaphysical are honored and respected. The pain, discontent, and emotional rollercoaster we are all on right now is necessary and a part of the birthing process just like when a woman gives birth. The pain, discontent and emotional rollercoaster she feels isn’t caused by the baby….. it’s caused by the birthing process and that part of the process can’t be skipped.

Old 3D earth has to go through birthing aka the 4D portal to rise up to the new 5D earth

What we should be doing right now is grounding ourselves and helping Mother Earth ground in this new level of energy. Captured in many books written within oppressive societies, humans are made to feel less than and puny among the “gods”. But in reality the “gods” envied humans because we were originally created to be able to navigate the spiritual and the physical realms simultaneously. We are the bridge, the portal between the dimensional realms, the physical and spiritual planes of existence. Through us, I’m specifically talking to melanated people, we can anchor in these new energies. The People of the Sun aka The Sun Kissed Skin aka melanated people are the protectors of this Earth and have the genetics to anchor in the new energy.

*Please take note that all of us have different levels of melanin in our bodies ranging from 100% to 0% and the color of your skin reflects that. So, if you have any melanin in your body you can assist in the anchoring of these high vibrational energies.
Dictionary.com – What is Melanated skin? A dark brown coloring found in the body, especially in the skin and hair. Produced by special skin cells that are sensitive to sunlight, melanin protects the body by absorbing ultraviolet radiation from the sun.

The new energy I speak of is on the higher scale of the electromagnetic spectrum and this scale has radio waves/red as low frequency energy and ultraviolent waves/purple as high frequency waves. The EMF scale also reflects how our chakras are arranged regarding a low frequency/red/root chakra to a high frequency/purple/crown chakra. These higher levels of radiation that are deemed as unhealthy and problematic by non-melanated people is only that way towards them. Our genetic nature, our melanin is activated and energized by the sun and cosmic radiation (higher vibrational energy). We are the righteous, those who can survive under the frequencies on the right side of the EMF Spectrum.

One of the reasons this shift is occurring is because, malevolent beings enslaved this earth and has been able to entrap us and stagnant our spiritual growth by creating an electric, negative ion barrier around earth (electric is the masculine aspect of energy, magnetic is the feminine aspect of energy). This barrier would reflect higher vibrational energy away and allow low vibrational energy through, which caused an imbalance in the energies on earth. This helped keep earth, as a whole, in a very low vibrational state and all things patriarchal/masculine/electric driven started to run rampant on earth because the divine feminine/magnetic was repressed. By doing this, these malevolent beings unhinged the Law of Duality on earth. Wars, famine, dis-ease, a narcissistic society and so on are all created within low vibrational states of being and these malevolent beings feed off the negative, low vibrational energy produced.

Electric barrier around Earth

The current state we are in right now has been talked about for ages in every culture that’s graced this planet because they knew balance would eventually restore itself. They knew the universe would correct the mess these malevolent beings caused. The electric barrier that surrounded earth has been dissolved and the shifting of these dimensional planes is allowing higher vibrational energy to penetrate through to Earth and with the return of the Divine Feminine, Earth’s spiritual imbalance is being restored back into balance. To restore the balance the old earth, the old ways, the current leaders and everything associated with those malevolent beings must be broken down and destroyed to be able to build a new earth with a solid foundation based on balanced universal laws. The establishment associated with those malevolent beings is fighting very hard to try to maintain their control, but out of this chaos will come order.

Based on everything I’ve listed above, remove your human emotions out of the way and think about all the injustice that has been done to melanated people all over this earth, the injustice done to women all over this earth, and the backwardness of society. Where teachers are paid scrapes but a guy that can shoot a basketball gets paid millions, a nurse (who have been predominantly women) is looked at as less than a doctor (who have been predominantly men) when they do all the dirty work, how people can’t afford food or a decent place to live, but politicians can raise millions to run for an office, or how the government can come up with trillions of dollars to fund bail outs to major companies, but there are people in this country trying to live off of minimum wage. Now, open your eye and your spirit and see how over the past decade or so melanated people have risen in positions and in power and women as a whole have risen in positions and in power. Melanated women have embraced their natural power, their natural hair, left religion behind and embraced their ancestral practices. Those steps were the Divine Feminine returning to Earth which helped awaken Mother Earth. This current state and this shift we are in right now has been in the works for a long time. Using our powers to perform grounding rituals, grounding spells, spending time in the sun barefoot and earthing and carrying grounding tools, stones, etc. are the practices we need to be doing right now to assist.

Sister Energies – “Sa Sekhem Sahu”

Ephesians 6:12, KJV: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

It’s All Good

To focus on only positive energy and everything associated with positivity when you become conscious is a disservice to universal law. The uninverse is duality and to focus on only one aspect over another limits your ability to fully comprehend creation. It’s a nice concept to be positive all the time and think good thoughts and keep your vibes high to stay connected to your spirit guides and what not. But what are you supposed to do when you have a bad day and everything is going wrong? Fake your happiness, put on one of those smiling masks and half wit your way through the day? No!

Understanding divine law is very important and necessary when your conscious. Bad days will happen, you know why? Because good days happen. The key with either day is being grateful and staying mindful regardless of the type of day your having. More importantly, sometimes flipping off a driver that cut you off will do your soul better than acting like them cutting you off didn’t bother you at all. Healthy expressions of anger is needed, healthy expressions of cussing somebody out that deserves it is needed.

One thing I do admire from the Bible stories of Jesus is that he didn’t take no shit. When preachers would read some passages of the New Testament on the actions of Jesus, they seemed to down play them and make it seem like Jesus was sweet and nice all the time. But that’s definitely not the impression I got of Jesus from some stories, in particular these two.

Story 1: The story about Jesus raising Lazarus. Long story short, the reason Jesus waited to raise Lazarus was because he was busy. Even after being approached several times by friends and family of Lazarus, Jesus had his breaking point and ended up telling one lady off. I took that passage as him saying “Bi***, I’ll be there when I get there.” My interpretation is a little harsh but that’s how I interpreted it. Jesus didn’t stop the work he was doing for just one person even if it was his friend. He prioritized and made a decision to deal with something when he had the time to. Shoot, it wasn’t like Lazarus was going anywhere!

Story 2: The story about Jesus and the Temple. I absolutely loved this story as kid and greatly more as an adult. When Jesus came upon the Temple and the people were using it basically as a flea market. He flipped out and kicked all the people out the temple. In my head, I saw him flipping tables over, beating people with sticks, throwing stuff at people and so on. Jesus was not about being disrespected or having places connected to him disrespected either.

Being able to accept the good and bad, positive and negative in your life and more importantly, in yourself is one of the greatest accomplishments one can achieve while walking the conscious path.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

Energy frequencies can be in the form of light or sound. Light and sound are frequencies of energy at different wavelengths and forms that carry codes. These energy frequencies then activate codes/sequences within our DNA that resonate with those particular energy frequencies. Higher frequencies activate and/or rebuild DNA codes that bring forth a higher consciousness, higher matter and assist in the connecting of all the codes back to their original state. Higher frequencies assist us with raising our awareness so our higher self can lower into our consciousness and help us to connect the puzzle pieces of ourselves. The highjacked magnetic field (an energy barrier) around earth blocks or destroys pure light frequencies (codes) that are freely being emitted by the sun and forever present in our universe. To keep humanity controllable and disconnected from each other and Creator Source, the barrier is used to transmit virus codes that interrupt and disburse our original higher dimensional DNA light codes during our descent into physical matter (birth). The deactivation of these higher dimensional codes destroys our link to the Creator Source. This then creates a God Complex within each person because our DNA/cellular memory remembers bits and pieces of the connection to Creator Source which is the universal consciousness aka the Bigger Picture. This creates a longing for “God”, a higher being, someone or something outside of ourselves. Due to this disconnection, we fail to remember that the higher being we’re searching for exist inside ourselves but we’re looking outside ourselves for it. To be able to get the connection back to Source, we have to go within to clear out the damaging factors (stress, fear, & trauma) the transmitted virusesprogramed into our energy fields, our consciousness and ourphysical bodies. To assist us with clearing the stress, fear and trauma in ourselves, we must go through darkness and expose the ugliness we try to hide from the world and more importantly from ourselves. The sun is always emitting light codes to help us genetically remember who we are, but those light rays/codes will never absorb and function properly if we are blocked with those virus programs. Those virus programs weigh us down and makes us stuck in this 3D realm (earthly problems). A lot of earthly natural cycles show us what we need to do to become a whole light being in a human body.

Sleep – we are in light (living during the day), then we go into darkness (sleep/death where we experience the “dream world”) to be awakened anew in light again. Rested and ready to take on another day. In the “dream world” is where your mind faces and processes fears and stressors from the day.

Rain – the day starts sunny and bright then the dark clouds form and darken the day. Rain occurs sometimes with thunder and lightning then the storm clears, and the sun shines again. 

Day/Night  in both day and night, we have guides to assist us on our journey through light and dark. The day has the sun and night has the moon. Even in darkness, we are not left alone to fumble through the process, the moon/light is still available for our guidance.

The Magical Pills


Do I continue to be numbed down and have no headaches or migraines or do I ask for a different med and start having the worse side effects or just stop the meds all together and risk getting the headaches and migraines again??? Oh how life sucks sometimes and oh how the pharmaceutical industry works its magic to keep us dumb and numb to the real causes of our dis-ease. I literally have mind numbing pain and yes the medication is working but it also has numbed my senses, slowed my thought processes, has caused tingling in my face and lips that makes me feel like I want to wipe my face off at times. I’ve tried the “holistic” approach and it wasn’t working. I was getting massages, seeing the chiropractor, doing yoga, being mindful of my mental state and my stress triggers and responses and yet still the headaches and migraines would come.

I was hospitalized due to cluster headaches, which are migraines on one side of my face and body. It basically resembles a stroke. The neurologist I saw in the ER says it’s nerve related which is why I was prescribed this medication. After all the tests performed, no pinpoint cause on why these cluster headaches have gotten out of control and happening more often frustrates me.

So the question still lingers, to stay medicated or not? To continue to take the magical pills that calm the headaches and migraines but make me feel tingly all over the place or stick it out and hope for the best that I don’t have any long term side effects.

Well, I ended up answering my own question and stopped taking the pills. Unfortunately, I’ve gain the weight back that I was losing but no more tingles in my face. I occasionally still get migraines but it’s only around my menstruation time or if I’ve completely fell off on getting bi-weekly body alignments and massages.

See this is how those doctors get you. Put you on a drug to mask your ailment without addressing the real cause or dis-ease that is going on with your body and/or mind. Then scare you with the “what could happen” without reviewing with you the compete list of side effects and down play your symptoms of a side effect because it falls in the less than 5% margin.

Moral of the story is…..take your health and the knowledge you need to learn about your ailment or dis-ease into your own hands. Don’t heavily rely on doctors and their modern medicine to cure you.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

golden mirror

I had a very intriguing session yesterday with my therapist. While discussing my digestion of the recent discovery of my ex-husband being a narcissistic sociopath, we decided to dive deeper into my relationships with “me focused” people.

This deep dive project made me tell my therapist about some memories that arose when a lot of different events, including the past 4 years of my life with my ex-husband started to put a lot of scattered puzzle pieces of my life together. For example, one key puzzle piece was that my dad was abusive and based on the things my mom has told me about things he did to her while married he is definitely a narcissist and my granddad was more than likely a narcissistic sociopath based on the family stories I’ve heard about him; which are 10 times worse than what my dad was doing to my mom. So there’s definitely a generational curse going on on my dad side with this mental disease. One of the memories that arose was one of my granddad when I was in high school around the time when he was falling ill with lung cancer. My dad was in town and left me and my sister at my granddad’s for some quality time. I was at his apartment trying to heat up some food in his microwave, but he had an older microwave and I didn’t know how to work it. I had to ask him more than once how to use it because he was being short with his answers like he was annoyed with me. Maybe, this was my third time asking him how to set the minutes and before I could finish getting my ask out he pushed me hard out of the way, started yelling at me and calling me names. My therapist asked me do I remember what I did and I replied that during that time in my life whenever anyone would yell at me it would remind me of hearing my parents arguing and I would freeze and I would block everything out. So in that moment I froze, blocked him out and walked away.

Then I continued to tell my therapist that prior to my family moving to another state I went to stay with my granddad for a little bit when I was 4 while my mom was getting everything in place with her new job and the house. I don’t remember staying with him, but this is what I was told and based on one story my mom would tell. When she went to go get me from him after this extended stay, she passed this dirty little girl riding on a big wheel bike and she thinks “ahh she’s a really cute girl somebody should wash her up, do her hair and be out here watching her.” When she gets to my granddad’s apartment she asks for me and he replies, she’s outside riding her bike you probably passed her. My mom then immediately turns from him, goes and picks up that cute, dirty little girl she passed not knowing it was me and leaves without grabbing any of my things. I then relay to my therapist that I am concerned, now knowing what my granddad may have been, what I may have been exposed to while living with him during that period of time. My therapist tells me if the body has no response to the thought of him then maybe, just maybe I don’t have anything to worry about but as these memories arise in due time will tell.

So I’m assuming to pull my focus from feeling helpless in this situation, my therapist asked me to think of a friend that I had or have that wasn’t “me focused” and to be honest I had to really search through my memories to find a person that wasn’t. Majority of all the people in my life that I befriended or more so befriended me were
“me focused”. A lot of friends that had befriended me was for their sole purpose only. For example, I’m very smart and in high school and college a lot of people would befriend me to help them with their assignments or get notes for class or to try to cheat off of. Once they realized that I wasn’t going to allow them to cheat off of me or I was going to make them put in work when we had group assignments those people would eventually fall to the waste side. But a course the narcissists, the tricksters, the manipulators knew just how to pull on the heart strings or spin their web to make me believe they were really my friend while they used me.

After thinking for a minute or two, I finally thought of a person that wasn’t anything like any of these “me focused” friends. My therapist then asked me to list what was different about this person and the main things that came to mind was this person was mellow, focused on their children and wasn’t visually self-conscious about their image. Then my therapist stated “so you said this person was mellow like their vibrations were low, mellow toned”, then asked me how did this make me feel? I replied it made me feel uncomfortable and like in typical therapist fashion she asked “why” and I replied, because I’m not used to mellow, I’m use to people who are high wired, high vibration and at the same time we both say “chaotic”. Then another puzzle piece fell into place, maybe I’m gravitating towards people who are “me focused”, high vibratory because that’s familiar. I grew up in a household that was “me focused” and chaotic. My entire life has been nothing but chaos, whenever there is a moment of peace or mellowness I feel uncomfortable and become anxious. That’s why I’ve always been a busy body, constantly active which leads to being burnt out and stressed out on the regular.  But also kept me from having to think or wallow in the pain that was my life.

I do want to know what’s “wrong”with me and what I need to do to fix the deep dark parts of me to make myself whole, especially after going through a traumatic marriage and separation. At first when I learned that I’m partly to blame for some of these hardwired poor decisions it saddened me and made me think that I’m way more screwed up than I originally thought. No wonder I attract crap in my life. But after a day of processing, I became inspired and felt better knowing this information.

So Mirror, Mirror on the Wall …. no I’m not to blame for what is attracted to me and no I’m not to blame for what I’m attracted to, but I am responsible for my attractions after I’m made aware to these factors that have made me hardwired to this dysfunction. Time to choose wisely. Time to change the woman in the mirror!

Introduction to the Complacent Journey

journey2

The word complacency means pleased with oneself and I truly feel that this fits where I am in my life. That’s why I choose it to define my blog personality. I’m not perfect and neither is my life but I’m starting to be okay with the idea of stumbling around and learning as I go. Picking up the pieces of my missteps and mishaps along the way and waking up with one main goal in mind each day; which is to live in a state of mindfulness.

With that said, I’m on a journey of self-love after experiencing a spiritual awakening after a very traumatic event in my life a few months ago. How did I know it was a “spiritual awakening”? Well, for once in my life something terrible happened to me and I wasn’t mad or sad about it. I really couldn’t place a title to my feelings to the range of events that I was going through at that time other than I felt numb. Nothing felt right and normally I drive into the bible and into praying but I didn’t and I didn’t want to. It wasn’t out of anger towards God like I would do sometimes because like I said I wasn’t mad. I just had no desire to take that normal route, didn’t see the point in it. I knew that it wouldn’t fix how I was feeling. Plus, I’ve had bad experiences and bad events in my life before and I always turned to religion. It feels odd to say this but in that numbness it was like my mind was opened to a portal of endless life questions and one key question that was on constant repeat was “why keep doing the same ol’ things expecting different results” and my religion fell into that re-evaluation. Once that door was finally ripped off the hinges and I no longer had any inhibitions to not look beyond religion for the answers to “life”, that’s when the spiritual awakening occurred and my true healing began.

As I try to navigate through this new outlook and state of mind on life that I have, I will document my journey and be as honest and as truthful as possible about my experiences. By documenting them in this manner I’m hoping it will also help in my healing process from all my past pains and be helpful for other inquiring minds that want to do the same as I and step off of the societal merry-go-round.

“Strange is normal and whoever tells you otherwise should check their sanity.” The Complacent Mind