Dear Diary – Entry #1

After receiving several pushes and confirmations, I’m finally acknowledging that I’m being led to start sharing my personal experiences while meditating, in dream states, astral travels, etc. to provide personal accounts of being a spiritual being and striving to be in tune with your true nature. The experiences I share are just that, my experiences and shouldn’t be used as a comparison tool for yourself or others to judge and evaluate your own personal experiences and encounters. We are all of source and we are purposely living lives as individuals to develop our own perspective and point of view regarding life as a spiritual being living a human existence. My goal is to provide a perspective of an individual learning about her multi-dimensional self, her lineage and her purpose while here on Earth.

Dear Diary – 11/25/17 Meditation, Listened to Open Balance Chakras, Heal and Sleep – Jason Stephenson YouTube Video

This meditation session I decide to do laying in my bed. I follow the spoken mediation and begin aligning my chakras and could visualize the colors, but unlike last time I performed this mediation the swirls and spinning of the chakra colors are dancers and ice skaters in sparkly dresses.

• Flamingo dancer – red – root. • Flamingo dancer – orange – sacral. • Ice skater – yellow – solar. • Ice skater – dark green – heart. • Ice skater – Ice blue – throat. • Dancer w/ long velvet sparkly cape – indigo – 3rd eye. Crown – A volcano inside a ground skull opens and purple lava fills the skull then the skull closes. Then all the chakras combine into a thick smoke of the colors blending from red all the way up to purple. Then white light sparking like a 4th of July sparkler starts encasing me and filling my veins with this electric white light. Then the image of the meditating person with each colored chakra in a sitting position appears as myself and the white light completely surrounds the image.

While laying down on my bed, the bed becomes whiteness and I can see myself laying there from outside of myself watching in third person. The whiteness becomes snow and I’m completely covered in it and I begin to emerge up and through the snow. An all-white being emerges from my body and sits up. In the distance I see this being with long white blond hair, light green cat/reptilian eyes, a scrunched/rippled nose bridge and middle of forehead/3rd eye area like a cat’s face. It has on a white attire with broad, fanned out shoulder pads and he reminds me of the blond hair warrior elf from Lord of the Rings (it gives off a male vibe). The being has a staff, then no staff as he walks closer to me. I stand up and start wiping the snow off of me and the being signals that he wants to show me something. So, we started walking in the snow and at that time the only thing I could focus on was my feet and the snow, the area was so hazy and bright that my eyes didn’t want to adjust. The being was a very slow walker, like he was gliding with his strides. As my eyes started to adjust, I could see the being doing the “Vanna White” motions showing me the scenery. I see tall pine trees, mountains and a blue sky with white clouds. The sky is so blue and the air is so crisp, pure and smells like winter. Then we stop on the edge of a rock cliff and he does his Vanna White motion for me to look at a lake in the far-off distance. The scenario and lake reminded me of Lake Tahoe with the water being a deep dark blue surrounded by a shore of pine trees, rocks and snow-covered mountains. As the being turns to start walking me back, I forced myself to speak and ask, “who should I ask for guidance?” At that moment shadowy images with golden light emanating from behind them appeared in my mind. The Sphinx emerged from the shadowy image with Sekhmet behind the Sphinx. I tried to ask another question and was taken immediately out of meditative state.

I was in such awe that I just laid there on my bed in silence. Eventually I snapped back into this 3D realm, found my notebook and began writing and drawing so I could remember the experience, because I have a tendency to forget once I’m back in 3D. From doing searches on the internet, I concluded that the being is Lyran. The only possible reason I could think of as the reason for this encounter is because I’ve been asking for guidance and to know where I truly come from. I was answered and shown a place that felt very familiar and I was at peace there. I don’t know if this place was Vega or a different planet in the constellation of Lyra before it was destroyed or a different place all together. But I did give thanks to my guides for answering me and showing me proof that I’m not crazy for knowing that my soul isn’t of Earth.

The place I visited reminded me of this picture of Lake Tahoe
The cat-like humanoid being with blond hair and green cat/reptilian eyes
The shadowy Sphinx and Sekhmet images with golden light emanating behind them

Hamper Me

Hamper – to restrict the movement of by bonds or obstacles, to interfere with the operation of, to interfere with: to impede the natural activity of.

While people were being focused on the coronavirus and relief checks for people and businesses, Trump signed into effect the 5G Bill. This bill moves forward the creation and set up of infrastructure for the wonderful 5G towers. You know, the 5G that all the wireless companies keep shoving down our throats of being “the fastest wireless system ever”. Why didn’t Obama or Bush have to sign a bill with the implementation of 3G or 4G wireless infrastructures? Hmmmm…. maybe because 3G and 4G are way different types of wireless systems and aren’t going to be used in the same capacity as the new 5G wireless system. 

So, why are so many against the new 5G wireless system? And yes, there are several organizations, groups and people against the emergence of 5G even if you haven’t heard about these people or groups. The mainstream media isn’t in the business of keeping people informed so if you only get your news and information on what’s going on in the world through TV and mainstream news outlets than a course you haven’t heard of any resistance against 5G. It’s interesting that Trump has to meet with the Defense and Home Security departments to review the layout of the 5G infrastructure. Now, that should make you think “why does the president have to meet with the Defense and Home Security departments about the setup of a wireless system?” Let’s began to answer that question!

The fifth generation of wireless communication technologies (5G) is the strongest and highest frequency mobile broadband wave ever created for wireless. The electromagnetic frequency (EMF) is above 24GHz and reaching up to 72GHz levels of radiation. There has always been concerns about radiation exposure around cell phone towers and electrical towers. Now, that 5G has been approved the current regulations have not been changed to protect people from the increase in radiation they will be exposed to from 5G. Here’s another question, why would the government not review the regulations and adjust them to make sure the people of this nation are protected from the increase of radiation they will be exposed to? Let’s began to answer that question!

The EMF that will be emitted by these 5G towers will be used as a weapon and control tool. A weapon and a tool that has been in place and used in warfare since the days of the Nazi reign. We are talking about psychological warfare people and more importantly spiritual warfare. This type of warfare was created by the Nazi and perfected by the United States. The Uppers of this planet tell us all their dirty secrets all the time as a way to try to avoid the Law of Karma. There are countless movies out there that show how EMF waves, sound waves and radiation are used to enhance peoples psychic abilities, read people minds, know peoples thoughts, restrain a person, and alter a persons mental and physical state into compliance. Minority Report, X-Men, Captain America, Stranger Things, and so on. Here’s another question, why would the government want to use EMF waves against its own people? Well, that’s the ultimate question with the ultimate truth.

Short Story: This planet is an experimental planet but one thing this planet was not meant to be is a prison planet, which is what it is right now. This planet was taking over by fear mongering beings and they can only survive from the energy produced from fear, which comes from a low vibration state of living. The reign of these beings is coming to an end so they are doing everything they can to try to maintain their control over the planet. The entrance of the Divine Feminine, the feminine aspect of our world that was removed from society to cause imbalance and drive the patriarchal/male dominance society we are currently in, has returned and assisting the awakening of people to the fact that they are being doped and deceived by the Uppers (Cabal, Illuminati, etc.) who work directly with these fear mongering beings. The return of the Divine Feminine to this planet is also helping the Earth raise its vibration and combat all the viruses and artificial intelligence (AI) that have been implanted in the Earth’s grid lines and atmosphere to keep the Earth and us hampered down and ineffective against their attacks on us physically, mentally and spiritually.

The ultimate answer is that the EMF radiation from these 5G towers will be used to hamper us down. Smother us and restrict us from awakening into who we truly are, which are spiritual beings in a matter body that has free will and is soverign. The EMF waves will alter us physically and decrease our auric fields. To visualize this decrease of our auric fields, it will be like two different sizes of ocean wave ripples colliding into each other and the larger wave ripple will overcome the smaller ripple making the smaller one no longer have any force. Basically, we will be compacted and bombarded with EMF waves to the point that our bodies will submit and not be able to rise spiritually. We will be reduced and stuck in our matter bodies and our matter bodies will react to the EMF waves with a vast of symptoms that many won’t see these symptoms as anything significant. They will think they are getting nausea from food they ate or headaches from a “stressful day”. By keeping us in a lower state of being, the fear mongering beings will be able to feed off our energy more easily. At this current time, they have many in a constant state of fear with this virus, so these beings are getting fat per se off of the worlds fear energy right now.

Now there’s nothing you can do to prevent 5G from happening, but you can prepare and protect yourself within it. Orgonite tools, orgone pyramids in your home and around your property, wearing orgonite tools or orgone jewelry, performing auric clearing meditations, listening to high vibrational or relaxing music on the regular, eating as healthy as you can, increase your immune boosting vitamins, and staying out of the mindset of fear and engaging in low vibrational activities; such as reading all the fear mongering in the news and on social media. Stay informed and don’t be afraid to venture into alternative news outlets to truly stay informed.

Higher Heart – Amoraea Flame

Before you can activate your higher heart, you must:
❤️activate, release and clear out your baggage in your 7 body chakras
🧡work within your shadow self to dissolve your fears, traumas, etc. so you can develop a loving relationship with yourself. Literally start loving you and all that you are; the good, the bad and the ugly. The flaws and the successes.
💛connect/activate your earth chakra which is in the earth below your feet
💚connect/activate with your 8th chakra/soul chakra a couple of inches above your head

Once you activate your higher heart the Kryst consciousness will be able to flow through you and be connected to you once again with no filter. The higher heart is your direct connection back to source. You will no longer need anything or anyone as assistance or as a middle man to source. No magical practice, no deity, no shaman, NO ONE OR NOTHING❣️

https://www.sacredgemstone.com/blogs/crystal-healing-blog/higher-heart-chakra-activations

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Amoraea_Flame

It’s All Good

To focus on only positive energy and everything associated with positivity when you become conscious is a disservice to universal law. The uninverse is duality and to focus on only one aspect over another limits your ability to fully comprehend creation. It’s a nice concept to be positive all the time and think good thoughts and keep your vibes high to stay connected to your spirit guides and what not. But what are you supposed to do when you have a bad day and everything is going wrong? Fake your happiness, put on one of those smiling masks and half wit your way through the day? No!

Understanding divine law is very important and necessary when your conscious. Bad days will happen, you know why? Because good days happen. The key with either day is being grateful and staying mindful regardless of the type of day your having. More importantly, sometimes flipping off a driver that cut you off will do your soul better than acting like them cutting you off didn’t bother you at all. Healthy expressions of anger is needed, healthy expressions of cussing somebody out that deserves it is needed.

One thing I do admire from the Bible stories of Jesus is that he didn’t take no shit. When preachers would read some passages of the New Testament on the actions of Jesus, they seemed to down play them and make it seem like Jesus was sweet and nice all the time. But that’s definitely not the impression I got of Jesus from some stories, in particular these two.

Story 1: The story about Jesus raising Lazarus. Long story short, the reason Jesus waited to raise Lazarus was because he was busy. Even after being approached several times by friends and family of Lazarus, Jesus had his breaking point and ended up telling one lady off. I took that passage as him saying “Bi***, I’ll be there when I get there.” My interpretation is a little harsh but that’s how I interpreted it. Jesus didn’t stop the work he was doing for just one person even if it was his friend. He prioritized and made a decision to deal with something when he had the time to. Shoot, it wasn’t like Lazarus was going anywhere!

Story 2: The story about Jesus and the Temple. I absolutely loved this story as kid and greatly more as an adult. When Jesus came upon the Temple and the people were using it basically as a flea market. He flipped out and kicked all the people out the temple. In my head, I saw him flipping tables over, beating people with sticks, throwing stuff at people and so on. Jesus was not about being disrespected or having places connected to him disrespected either.

Being able to accept the good and bad, positive and negative in your life and more importantly, in yourself is one of the greatest accomplishments one can achieve while walking the conscious path.

Just Don’t Feel Right

As I sit here in my mother’s church on Easter, I just don’t feel right. As I listen to the preacher read from the Bible and preach his sermon, I stir at the window panes of white biblical figures in a predominantly black church….. I just don’t feel right. As they continually sing and preach about Jesus a made up name to a real historical figure who’s story was taken and changed to fit agenda, I just don’t feel right. As they call him the king of Jews and we are predominantly black church and the Jewish community doesn’t even support us in our strife and injustices that happen to us in our city, I just don’t feel right. As my sister and my mom get on my kids about bowing their head to pray and standing during songs, I just don’t feel right.

Am I doing the right thing by still participating on this Christian holiday when I know this religion is so false and these religious folks don’t even know what and where Easter comes from? Now, I’ve shared with my children facts on why we are no longer Christians and have fully engulfed spirituality in the ways we see fit, but I still “celebrate” Easter and Christmas. More so, because I love the Christmas and Easter holiday, decorating, giving gifts and eating good food. But I just don’t feel right having to submit myself and my kids to being disciplined for not following these church rules or sitting through hearing the things that I’ve taught them are the reasons why we don’t do the church thing anymore.

For next year, I’m going to have to put more thought into this because I can no longer be contradictory to my beliefs.

Complacency: Reflections of Self

After achieving what I thought I should as an adult, all those “accomplishments” lead to deep heart ache, pain, unhappiness and finding myself feeling empty, unsatisfied and alone.

After several months of being stuck in a void and I’m using the word void because I wasn’t sad or depressed, but I was in a state of emotionless. While in this void, my mind was on constant repeat, thinking the same thoughts over and over again. What am I doing wrong? How am I 34 and I don’t have anything together? Why do I feel so lost? While away on a trip I discovered several different topics and articles on Facebook that kept catching my interest. Figured if something keeps popping up I need to start paying attention to it. This began my journey into the unknown….. so I thought.

This journey of self-love, inner-peace, becoming spiritually in tune to my real self. The real Me and not who I think I should be, or who I thought I should be as a child or even when I thought I was in college, and definitely not who society says I should be. More importantly, not who my mom or my family think I should be or should have been.

My mind works differently from most, I noticed this at an early age. Always questioning life, rules, nature, adults and authority. Never took answers at face value and always wanted to learn beyond the surface. My mind sees disorder, chaos, things out of place and automatically starts analyzing and correcting them. I always thought it was my OCD until it enhanced my career by finding the flaws in a facility and their programs and on a personal level giving great advice. Unfortunately, it also gives off the persona of a “know it all” or always having something to say. Had to learn with maturity when to speak my truth and when to let people figure it out on their own. More importantly, not beat myself up when they fail or don’t figure it out. I’m a fixer by nature but everything and everyone doesn’t want to be fixed. Sometimes its best for things and people to stay broken. Can’t save the world by draining myself in the process. Learned to pick my battles so I can have successful wars.

Xtina

Looking at the moon and knowing there’s more to life than what’s on this planet  helps to keep me going. Looking up at the sky always calmed me and helped me keep all worries in my mind at bay. Looking up instantly brings a “home” feeling to my soul. 

I always wondered if the universe was just one big brain because the galaxies look like nerve ends and synopsis connections. So many of the astral forms in space reflect cells and connective tissues like in our bodies. Is the universe a living organism just like us?! Can this be a question or a statement?! 

The moon feels like love when I see her and sun warms me like an embrace from a man that I’ve been desiring for like ever. My heart and soul lies with the stars. I’m drawn to the X in the sky and have been drawned to it ever since I could remember. In high school I named the X in the sky Xtina. Never knew my X in the sky was a constellation,  pointed to Sirius A or housed the Orion Nebula. First time I saw this nebula I fell in love and was submerged in a feeling of wonder. Being drawn to the X in the sky was finally making sense. Home are we?!


Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

golden mirror

I had a very intriguing session yesterday with my therapist. While discussing my digestion of the recent discovery of my ex-husband being a narcissistic sociopath, we decided to dive deeper into my relationships with “me focused” people.

This deep dive project made me tell my therapist about some memories that arose when a lot of different events, including the past 4 years of my life with my ex-husband started to put a lot of scattered puzzle pieces of my life together. For example, one key puzzle piece was that my dad was abusive and based on the things my mom has told me about things he did to her while married he is definitely a narcissist and my granddad was more than likely a narcissistic sociopath based on the family stories I’ve heard about him; which are 10 times worse than what my dad was doing to my mom. So there’s definitely a generational curse going on on my dad side with this mental disease. One of the memories that arose was one of my granddad when I was in high school around the time when he was falling ill with lung cancer. My dad was in town and left me and my sister at my granddad’s for some quality time. I was at his apartment trying to heat up some food in his microwave, but he had an older microwave and I didn’t know how to work it. I had to ask him more than once how to use it because he was being short with his answers like he was annoyed with me. Maybe, this was my third time asking him how to set the minutes and before I could finish getting my ask out he pushed me hard out of the way, started yelling at me and calling me names. My therapist asked me do I remember what I did and I replied that during that time in my life whenever anyone would yell at me it would remind me of hearing my parents arguing and I would freeze and I would block everything out. So in that moment I froze, blocked him out and walked away.

Then I continued to tell my therapist that prior to my family moving to another state I went to stay with my granddad for a little bit when I was 4 while my mom was getting everything in place with her new job and the house. I don’t remember staying with him, but this is what I was told and based on one story my mom would tell. When she went to go get me from him after this extended stay, she passed this dirty little girl riding on a big wheel bike and she thinks “ahh she’s a really cute girl somebody should wash her up, do her hair and be out here watching her.” When she gets to my granddad’s apartment she asks for me and he replies, she’s outside riding her bike you probably passed her. My mom then immediately turns from him, goes and picks up that cute, dirty little girl she passed not knowing it was me and leaves without grabbing any of my things. I then relay to my therapist that I am concerned, now knowing what my granddad may have been, what I may have been exposed to while living with him during that period of time. My therapist tells me if the body has no response to the thought of him then maybe, just maybe I don’t have anything to worry about but as these memories arise in due time will tell.

So I’m assuming to pull my focus from feeling helpless in this situation, my therapist asked me to think of a friend that I had or have that wasn’t “me focused” and to be honest I had to really search through my memories to find a person that wasn’t. Majority of all the people in my life that I befriended or more so befriended me were
“me focused”. A lot of friends that had befriended me was for their sole purpose only. For example, I’m very smart and in high school and college a lot of people would befriend me to help them with their assignments or get notes for class or to try to cheat off of. Once they realized that I wasn’t going to allow them to cheat off of me or I was going to make them put in work when we had group assignments those people would eventually fall to the waste side. But a course the narcissists, the tricksters, the manipulators knew just how to pull on the heart strings or spin their web to make me believe they were really my friend while they used me.

After thinking for a minute or two, I finally thought of a person that wasn’t anything like any of these “me focused” friends. My therapist then asked me to list what was different about this person and the main things that came to mind was this person was mellow, focused on their children and wasn’t visually self-conscious about their image. Then my therapist stated “so you said this person was mellow like their vibrations were low, mellow toned”, then asked me how did this make me feel? I replied it made me feel uncomfortable and like in typical therapist fashion she asked “why” and I replied, because I’m not used to mellow, I’m use to people who are high wired, high vibration and at the same time we both say “chaotic”. Then another puzzle piece fell into place, maybe I’m gravitating towards people who are “me focused”, high vibratory because that’s familiar. I grew up in a household that was “me focused” and chaotic. My entire life has been nothing but chaos, whenever there is a moment of peace or mellowness I feel uncomfortable and become anxious. That’s why I’ve always been a busy body, constantly active which leads to being burnt out and stressed out on the regular.  But also kept me from having to think or wallow in the pain that was my life.

I do want to know what’s “wrong”with me and what I need to do to fix the deep dark parts of me to make myself whole, especially after going through a traumatic marriage and separation. At first when I learned that I’m partly to blame for some of these hardwired poor decisions it saddened me and made me think that I’m way more screwed up than I originally thought. No wonder I attract crap in my life. But after a day of processing, I became inspired and felt better knowing this information.

So Mirror, Mirror on the Wall …. no I’m not to blame for what is attracted to me and no I’m not to blame for what I’m attracted to, but I am responsible for my attractions after I’m made aware to these factors that have made me hardwired to this dysfunction. Time to choose wisely. Time to change the woman in the mirror!

2017 Sap Moon: March 12th Full Moon

full moon black woman

Please read this article:

http://www.rebellesociety.com/2017/03/10/caracampbell-sap-moon/

I’m an empath and deeply affected by nature and energy. Energy giving off by people, places, animals, things, etc. I will go into more detail about that later because I’m still learning about this aspect of myself. But now knowing about how these energies affect me, I pay very close attention to astrology. Another subject I will dive in to deeper later on. This breakdown of the full moon occurring tomorrow was exactly what I needed today. I have been feeling so off lately and really feeling horrible noticing the bad cycles coming back and seeing myself stuck in them this week and last. Wondering why have they come back and what am I doing wrong. Reading this article gave me the clarity that I needed to address these cycles and gave me the strength I needed to push through and hopefully break them. I’m actually thankful that I’m able to see the bad behavior now.

For example, the anger cycle I fall into when I feel out of control when it comes to the cleanliness of my home when it comes to my kids. My kids are supposed to do their chores everyday when they get home from school. They are the same chores everyday, one cleans up the family room and the other cleans up the kitchen. Everyday I come home and those 2 areas aren’t done even after they say they’ve done them to get a snack or to go outside to play with their friends. Well, I won’t say everyday, I say 95% chance I will come home and their chores won’t be done. My reaction to them not doing their chores is what I’ve been working on and there are 3 choices: A. Flip out and start yelling like normal or B. Ignore it or C. Calmly ask them to do their chores. Well, like I said after it begins to be an everyday occurrence and even though this might be the same thing I come home to everyday, my days outside of my home aren’t always the same so my 3 choices of reaction slim to option A or B and sometimes turning into a Super A because some days I’m extremely stressed out.

My tasks today will be to really call out all the crap that has been popping up this week and write them down so when I do my full moon release ritual tomorrow I can really clear out the crap.

“Strange is normal, whoever tells you otherwise should check their sanity.” The Complacent Mind