Coming into this world all knowing then losing yourself, your value, your path, your purpose is traumatic.
Being told from outsiders, seers, shamans, priestesses, and elders that you’re here to break rules, break karmas and bring back truth in your ancestry and in this world sounds awesome and empowering. To know that I have a dual duty of empowering myself and my lineage with the knowledge, wisdom and power I contain, sounds like some superhero shit.
But in reality it’s depressing and hard. It’s like knowing beforehand what’s going to happen and being cool with it. Thinking you can prepare for it and tell yourself to not lose sight of who you really are as motivation is cute. But when the chaos hits, the karma comes and the emotional rollercoaster comes roaring, it’s hard to feel like a powerful being. All that makes me human rises up and takes over. Heartache, pain, emotions, crying and crying, anger, defeat, giving up, running away and more crying.
Makes me wonder why me? Why do I have to be the one to the clear the crap out of our bloodline? A course when you ask questions like that you get answers. It’s because not only am I clearing out karma for myself and my ancestors, I’m also unleashing our birthright, power, ancestral practices and gifts, and reforming our direct link to abundance and prosperity our lineage on this earth have been disconnected from. All the things that were taken from us through murder, assassinations, witch hunts, slavery, brainwashing and our people erased from books and the memories of all people on earth.
Being reminded of what I and my lineage will be gaining from what I as an individual have to go through, helps me focus and pull myself together to push forward. Yes, these karma moments suck but I will get through them and be even stronger in my power and my will at the end of them.
A person bumps into you and you have hot coffee in your hands and it spills all over you and it burns bad. Reacting to the pain of the burn is healthy. Reacting to the anger you have towards the person who caused this to happen to you, because it caused physical pain is healthy. Allowing healthy responses to this incident is a must! Acting like no physical pain occurred and you are not angry is unhealthy. People need to understand that allowing an emotional response to occur is healthy. Eventually, being able to break the incident down to the core emotions so you can feel them, react to them, and forgive yourself for reacting to them is a key factor in doing Shadow Work, which I call Subconscious Work. Forgiveness also includes the person that caused you harm or pain, but only if they acknowledge what they’ve done. Because forgiveness is for your healing not theirs. Subconscious work is for the real spiritual people, not the love and light folks, so if they don’t apologize or acknowledge their fault, f*** them and keep it moving.
I included forgiving yourself, because no matter how spiritually adept someone becomes, we will still be human at the end of the day. And being a human being includes being emotional and ignoring our emotions is harmful and unhealthy. It doesn’t help that society frowns upon emotional people, specifically women, and that’s why emotions and being emotional gets a bad rep. But as humans we are composed of 4 bodies, which are the spiritual body, mental body, emotional body, and the physical body. The saying “stand on your square” directly relates to the acknowledgment of these four bodies aka four points.
I mentioned above the term core emotions which correlate to our core beliefs. People only have 5 emotions that we experience on a scale of extremes or as a combination of the core 5 emotions. Disney put out a great movie a few years back that explores human emotions and their complexity called Inside Out. I highly recommend watching this movie if you want to start Subconscious Work and fully understand core emotions and beliefs.
Unfortunately, because a lot of people including myself at one point, see 4 of our core emotions anger, fear, disgust, and sadness as negative emotions, but they’re not. They are absolutely needed and need to be expressed to be a whole and healthy human being. These emotions that are associated with being dark and negative are the key emotions you focus on in Subconscious/Shadow Work. These dark emotions have dark positives, which I see as positive aspects to that emotion when its acknowledged and transmuted. For example, fear can be transmuted into rage when a woman is attacked by an attacker while walking at night. She can use that fear turned rage to defend herself against her attacker. Another example, fear can be transmuted to strength when a mother see’s her child get trapped under a car and she lifts the car up off of her child so she can get them out.
To fully understand how the subconscious works, you must correlate it to how the body does voluntary and involuntary actions. Voluntary actions are conscious actions and involuntary actions are subconscious actions. So, for example, conscious breathing is voluntary breathing. You are purposely making you lungs inhale and exhale air. Subconscious breathing is involuntary breathing which is your normal moment to moment breathing that happens without any guidance or will of your own. Without involuntary actions of the body, we wouldn’t be alive because involuntary actions run our entire body. From breathing to blood pumping to digestion. All actions we don’t have to tell our bodies to do. So, guess what, if involuntary aka subconscious actions run our bodies then the subconscious mind runs our mental and emotional bodies. Need proof, here’s a perfect example, zoning out while driving a car to work. When, you get to work and don’t remember driving there at all. You don’t remember seeing the typical sites you see during the drive in or anything. It’s because your subconscious got you there and your subconscious always gets there but when you zone out and come back to consciousness you become aware of the subconscious actions.
Furthermore, the subconscious is the involuntary mental and emotional actions that drive our core emotions and beliefs. When we push “negative” or “dark” emotions and experiences “deep inside” so we don’t have to deal with the feelings that arise or even acknowledge them at all is unhealthy. When you push those emotions “deep inside” you’re pushing them into your subconscious. Which is where they turn into involuntary actions that attach to core emotions or core beliefs, which the subconscious runs them. So, now you have that one horrible moment that happened when you were 5 years old running and controlling your life when anything that feels like that experience or emotions happen. You’ve created a circular habitual response in your life that will continue till you deal with the emotions attached to that experience. Dealing with those emotions includes revisiting that event in your mind or even the place, allowing the emotions to rise, feeling those emotions play out, releasing the emotions, then forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to feel because “You’re human and you’re allowed.”
We are going through a birthing. A new Earth is emerging from an old, broken, run down and no longer able to function properly Earth. This is the transitioning of 5D from 3D that so many speak about. The misconception is that it’s an actual new planet earth or a physical new heaven, because it’s not. It’s a higher level of vibrations, a higher view to see the whole picture, which means a higher perspective is dawning. One where the Universal Law of One is honored. One where the respect of duality is honored. One where the roles of humans, animals, plants, dimensional beings, and all things metaphysical are honored and respected. The pain, discontent, and emotional rollercoaster we are all on right now is necessary and a part of the birthing process just like when a woman gives birth. The pain, discontent and emotional rollercoaster she feels isn’t caused by the baby….. it’s caused by the birthing process and that part of the process can’t be skipped.
What we should be doing right now is grounding ourselves and helping Mother Earth ground in this new level of energy. Captured in many books written within oppressive societies, humans are made to feel less than and puny among the “gods”. But in reality the “gods” envied humans because we were originally created to be able to navigate the spiritual and the physical realms simultaneously. We are the bridge, the portal between the dimensional realms, the physical and spiritual planes of existence. Through us, I’m specifically talking to melanated people, we can anchor in these new energies. The People of the Sun aka The Sun Kissed Skin aka melanated people are the protectors of this Earth and have the genetics to anchor in the new energy.
The new energy I speak of is on the higher scale of the electromagnetic spectrum and this scale has radio waves/red as low frequency energy and ultraviolent waves/purple as high frequency waves. The EMF scale also reflects how our chakras are arranged regarding a low frequency/red/root chakra to a high frequency/purple/crown chakra. These higher levels of radiation that are deemed as unhealthy and problematic by non-melanated people is only that way towards them. Our genetic nature, our melanin is activated and energized by the sun and cosmic radiation (higher vibrational energy). We are the righteous, those who can survive under the frequencies on the right side of the EMF Spectrum.
One of the reasons this shift is occurring is because, malevolent beings enslaved this earth and has been able to entrap us and stagnant our spiritual growth by creating an electric, negative ion barrier around earth (electric is the masculine aspect of energy, magnetic is the feminine aspect of energy). This barrier would reflect higher vibrational energy away and allow low vibrational energy through, which caused an imbalance in the energies on earth. This helped keep earth, as a whole, in a very low vibrational state and all things patriarchal/masculine/electric driven started to run rampant on earth because the divine feminine/magnetic was repressed. By doing this, these malevolent beings unhinged the Law of Duality on earth. Wars, famine, dis-ease, a narcissistic society and so on are all created within low vibrational states of being and these malevolent beings feed off the negative, low vibrational energy produced.
The current state we are in right now has been talked about for ages in every culture that’s graced this planet because they knew balance would eventually restore itself. They knew the universe would correct the mess these malevolent beings caused. The electric barrier that surrounded earth has been dissolved and the shifting of these dimensional planes is allowing higher vibrational energy to penetrate through to Earth and with the return of the Divine Feminine, Earth’s spiritual imbalance is being restored back into balance. To restore the balance the old earth, the old ways, the current leaders and everything associated with those malevolent beings must be broken down and destroyed to be able to build a new earth with a solid foundation based on balanced universal laws. The establishment associated with those malevolent beings is fighting very hard to try to maintain their control, but out of this chaos will come order.
Based on everything I’ve listed above, remove your human emotions out of the way and think about all the injustice that has been done to melanated people all over this earth, the injustice done to women all over this earth, and the backwardness of society. Where teachers are paid scrapes but a guy that can shoot a basketball gets paid millions, a nurse (who have been predominantly women) is looked at as less than a doctor (who have been predominantly men) when they do all the dirty work, how people can’t afford food or a decent place to live, but politicians can raise millions to run for an office, or how the government can come up with trillions of dollars to fund bail outs to major companies, but there are people in this country trying to live off of minimum wage. Now, open your eye and your spirit and see how over the past decade or so melanated people have risen in positions and in power and women as a whole have risen in positions and in power. Melanated women have embraced their natural power, their natural hair, left religion behind and embraced their ancestral practices. Those steps were the Divine Feminine returning to Earth which helped awaken Mother Earth. This current state and this shift we are in right now has been in the works for a long time. Using our powers to perform grounding rituals, grounding spells, spending time in the sun barefoot and earthing and carrying grounding tools, stones, etc. are the practices we need to be doing right now to assist.
Ephesians 6:12, KJV: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
The Earth and its inhabitants are linked via consciousness, which is an energetic network that connects everything and everyone. Everything is energy……our thoughts, our voice, and our bodies, all produce energetic vibrations. From the Mental Realm down to the Physical Realm is energy vibrating. The physical realm is our energy source aka soul vibrating in its lowest state via our DNA to create our cells, our bones, our skin, our hair, and so on. The tyrants controlling our planet feed off our energy, so you can think of them as parasitic dimensional beings. Our planet and the creatures upon it are constantly emitting energy, even when we’re sleeping. The best way to visually explain what humans are to these tyrants is the scene from The Matrix when Neo takes the red pill and wakes up in the human breeding station.
These parasites must manipulate us and the energy they extract from us to make it digestible by them. These tyrants aren’t benevolent or loving beings, they are from the complete opposite side of love on the vibrational scale. With love (the highest vibrational form of energy) being at one end and fear (lowest vibrational form of energy) being at the other, these tyrants are the physical manifestation of fear. They need the lowest vibrational form of energy to replenish their energetic needs, that’s why they use scare tactics and fear mongering to distort the energy we emit. They need humans and this Earth vibrating at its lowest state to survive.
A human’s life means nothing to them, only their agendas and self-preservation matter. More so, a human life doesn’t matter because they know we don’t actually die, our bodies do but our “energy source”/souls don’t. When our energy source starts vibrating in fear, causing all the cells in our body to vibrate in fear, the energy emitted prior and after death is harnessed. Now, when the surrounding circumstances causing the fear in the person/persons are perfectly orchestrated, the energy released is amplified. That’s why these tyrants perform ritualistic murders aka Magic Deaths. They utilize the universal forces via the elements, synchronicity, astrological alignments, placements on the earth/ley lines, earth vortexes/portals, animals/animal spirits, elemental creatures, alchemy, etc. to amplify the conditions to not only create the strongest energy they can harness, but to also cause a “rip” in time; which is like a placeholder or a pause in time, to extract the same amount of energy for eternity. That’s why after the most tragic events they create memorials either by statues, memorial services, and more importantly annual memorial events. Time is circular, so every time the date of that tragedy occurred; for example Kobe’s death on January 26, arrives via the solar calendar that rip in time will be accessible to harness that energy pocket, in addition to, create more energy due to people remembering the event and evoking the same emotions they felt on the day the tragedy happened. Example, this is why the Jewish Mystics keep the Holocaust on everyone’s mind. It’s a massive tragedy in time that is constantly being used to extract energy from and from the people who are affected by that tragedy. Same thing with slavery in United States, the racial tension and the continuous amount of events that occur that remind people of that moment of time, produces a massive amount of energy from that “rip”/energy pocket and from the people that are affected by those events; which is mostly everyone in the United States. Black and white issues are the forefront of every debate, regardless if the persons conducting the reporting or running the show are black or white. The topic can be about fashion, media, social media, athletes, movies, music, politics, etc. and some how some way majority of the time a black or white issue gets thrown into the mix.Here’s a moment of provoking thought…..Something absolutely terrible has happened on every continent on this planet and a memorial is associated with it.
With all that said, be mindful of what the media is reporting and forcing down your throats to “Pay Attention” to. Be mindful of those moments and remember that you have the right to not be affected by what they are telling you to be affected by. Try to operate from a place of neutrality, recognize the moment, see it for what it really is and let it move on by emotionally. Take back your control over how you emit your energy!
I had a very intriguing session yesterday with my therapist. While discussing my digestion of the recent discovery of my ex-husband being a narcissistic sociopath, we decided to dive deeper into my relationships with “me focused” people.
This deep dive project made me tell my therapist about some memories that arose when a lot of different events, including the past 4 years of my life with my ex-husband started to put a lot of scattered puzzle pieces of my life together. For example, one key puzzle piece was that my dad was abusive and based on the things my mom has told me about things he did to her while married he is definitely a narcissist and my granddad was more than likely a narcissistic sociopath based on the family stories I’ve heard about him; which are 10 times worse than what my dad was doing to my mom. So there’s definitely a generational curse going on on my dad side with this mental disease. One of the memories that arose was one of my granddad when I was in high school around the time when he was falling ill with lung cancer. My dad was in town and left me and my sister at my granddad’s for some quality time. I was at his apartment trying to heat up some food in his microwave, but he had an older microwave and I didn’t know how to work it. I had to ask him more than once how to use it because he was being short with his answers like he was annoyed with me. Maybe, this was my third time asking him how to set the minutes and before I could finish getting my ask out he pushed me hard out of the way, started yelling at me and calling me names. My therapist asked me do I remember what I did and I replied that during that time in my life whenever anyone would yell at me it would remind me of hearing my parents arguing and I would freeze and I would block everything out. So in that moment I froze, blocked him out and walked away.
Then I continued to tell my therapist that prior to my family moving to another state I went to stay with my granddad for a little bit when I was 4 while my mom was getting everything in place with her new job and the house. I don’t remember staying with him, but this is what I was told and based on one story my mom would tell. When she went to go get me from him after this extended stay, she passed this dirty little girl riding on a big wheel bike and she thinks “ahh she’s a really cute girl somebody should wash her up, do her hair and be out here watching her.” When she gets to my granddad’s apartment she asks for me and he replies, she’s outside riding her bike you probably passed her. My mom then immediately turns from him, goes and picks up that cute, dirty little girl she passed not knowing it was me and leaves without grabbing any of my things. I then relay to my therapist that I am concerned, now knowing what my granddad may have been, what I may have been exposed to while living with him during that period of time. My therapist tells me if the body has no response to the thought of him then maybe, just maybe I don’t have anything to worry about but as these memories arise in due time will tell.
So I’m assuming to pull my focus from feeling helpless in this situation, my therapist asked me to think of a friend that I had or have that wasn’t “me focused” and to be honest I had to really search through my memories to find a person that wasn’t. Majority of all the people in my life that I befriended or more so befriended me were
“me focused”. A lot of friends that had befriended me was for their sole purpose only. For example, I’m very smart and in high school and college a lot of people would befriend me to help them with their assignments or get notes for class or to try to cheat off of. Once they realized that I wasn’t going to allow them to cheat off of me or I was going to make them put in work when we had group assignments those people would eventually fall to the waste side. But a course the narcissists, the tricksters, the manipulators knew just how to pull on the heart strings or spin their web to make me believe they were really my friend while they used me.
After thinking for a minute or two, I finally thought of a person that wasn’t anything like any of these “me focused” friends. My therapist then asked me to list what was different about this person and the main things that came to mind was this person was mellow, focused on their children and wasn’t visually self-conscious about their image. Then my therapist stated “so you said this person was mellow like their vibrations were low, mellow toned”, then asked me how did this make me feel? I replied it made me feel uncomfortable and like in typical therapist fashion she asked “why” and I replied, because I’m not used to mellow, I’m use to people who are high wired, high vibration and at the same time we both say “chaotic”. Then another puzzle piece fell into place, maybe I’m gravitating towards people who are “me focused”, high vibratory because that’s familiar. I grew up in a household that was “me focused” and chaotic. My entire life has been nothing but chaos, whenever there is a moment of peace or mellowness I feel uncomfortable and become anxious. That’s why I’ve always been a busy body, constantly active which leads to being burnt out and stressed out on the regular. But also kept me from having to think or wallow in the pain that was my life.
I do want to know what’s “wrong”with me and what I need to do to fix the deep dark parts of me to make myself whole, especially after going through a traumatic marriage and separation. At first when I learned that I’m partly to blame for some of these hardwired poor decisions it saddened me and made me think that I’m way more screwed up than I originally thought. No wonder I attract crap in my life. But after a day of processing, I became inspired and felt better knowing this information.
So Mirror, Mirror on the Wall …. no I’m not to blame for what is attracted to me and no I’m not to blame for what I’m attracted to, but I am responsible for my attractions after I’m made aware to these factors that have made me hardwired to this dysfunction. Time to choose wisely. Time to change the woman in the mirror!
I never understood why some people would make such a big deal out of taking time off from social media or have to declare on Facebook that they needed a break from it then disappear from it for a while. I had one friend who canceled her Facebook and one day I eventually got her to return my text and I asked her why she did it. She told me she couldn’t take being on Facebook anymore, because seeing everybody’s business made her feel like her life was being judged. I didn’t understand her decision at first and I thought her decision was selfish, because that’s how I stayed in touch with her since we were both very busy with our family and kids and we didn’t get to see each other much.
Well, I am now in that place that I guess she was in, but for a totally different reason. I had to go on a “social media diet” for a very silly reason last week. I received a text that I hit 75% of my data usage and I didn’t want to go over. Well, there’s more to it than just that so let me start from the actual beginning. I recently started watching my spending habits and I have to say I never paid attention to how much time I spent on my phone when I was bored; specifically at work, which contributed to majority of my data overage charges. This habit made me increase my plan a few months back, which increased my bill significantly. After re-evaluating my bills, I realized I couldn’t afford that plan any longer and reduced my plan back to where it was originally and now I needed to watch my data usage. Now that I hit my 75% usage mark this month, I’ve shut off my cellular data for all but 2 apps and have gone on this social media diet. Man, have I noticed a change in my weight! A course, I don’t mean my body weight but my emotional weight. I don’t feel like I have the same emotional stress I had when I was constantly on Facebook or Instagram looking at everyone else’s life via their posts and subconsciously comparing them to my life. Subconsciously taking in all this insignificant info from people I normally don’t see and to be honest don’t care to see in my everyday life and it was impacting my day-to-day measurement of my of myself in my own life. Spending less time on social media gave me more time to enjoy in the moment memories without rushing to my phone to capture a video or picture to post and share. It felt weird at first not rushing to take a picture but being able to really enjoy the moment activities happening felt so ancient and I’m glad I’m bringing it back. Seeing those happy couple posts were specifically detrimental to my emotional weight gain because I’m so jaded to relationships and not open to having that type of human closeness right now. In addition, seeing everyone’s happy friendships posts about my best friend this and my best friend that also affects me because once again I don’t have that in my life. A course there are multiple reasons why I don’t (I will explore that deeper in another post at another time) and it makes me question my life on why I don’t. In a non-social media world, I wouldn’t have to constantly have these questions, because I wouldn’t be bombarded with the constant comparison to someone else’s life in those categories.
This brings up another matter that I hear a lot about but never truly understood what it meant. Faking it on Facebook, Doing it for the Gram. Well, I would always see posts by a lot drama orientated people calling out other people on Facebook for being. Basically making it seem like they’re living this great life on Facebook but in reality they are not. Well, I got a crash course in this one day while talking to someone close to me one. I have a Facebook friend and they are always posting pictures, doing live streams, and posting great and wonderful things about their relationship. To be honest, it would make anyone envious to see all the posts of gifts, trips and parties they would attend together. The “love” that was presented seemed legit and magical. Well, my bubble was busted one day while talking to a close friend and they spilled all the beans about this couple. They fight constantly, they don’t get along and the one person is very controlling of the other. Man, you can definitely say that the grass isn’t greener on their side of the fence. All this time I’m seeing their posts on Facebook wishing I could find what they have one day and now I’m running around my house hoping I can catch and take all those wishes back because this is a perfect example of being careful of what you wish for!
So I say all of this to make a point, so let’s get to it. The Internet hasn’t always been here, Facebook and Instagram definitely has not and I do have to say the world was a simpler place when everybody didn’t know everybody’s business. At least during that time we had the celebrities and movie stars to look up to and admire but now everybody is a celebrity and everybody’s crap is getting stuffed down our throats via the internet. So just like when our bodies get a little overweight and boggled down from overeating too much junk food and over drinking too much soda, so can our minds with over indulging in too much social media. Just like we have to detox, begin to eat right and exercise to start losing that excess weight to start feeling better and get our bodies back on track to being healthy. We also need to do the same for our minds. Detoxify your mind from the poor images, the violent videos, the over sexual posts, the fake news, posts by fake friends you would never talk to if you ever saw them on the street, and dumb down stories that are trending for no good reason.