Shadow Work is Subconscious Work

A person bumps into you and you have hot coffee in your hands and it spills all over you and it burns bad. Reacting to the pain of the burn is healthy. Reacting to the anger you have towards the person who caused this to happen to you, because it caused physical pain is healthy. Allowing healthy responses to this incident is a must! Acting like no physical pain occurred and you are not angry is unhealthy. People need to understand that allowing an emotional response to occur is healthy. Eventually, being able to break the incident down to the core emotions so you can feel them, react to them, and forgive yourself for reacting to them is a key factor in doing Shadow Work, which I call Subconscious Work. Forgiveness also includes the person that caused you harm or pain, but only if they acknowledge what they’ve done. Because forgiveness is for your healing not theirs. Subconscious work is for the real spiritual people, not the love and light folks, so if they don’t apologize or acknowledge their fault, f*** them and keep it moving.

I included forgiving yourself, because no matter how spiritually adept someone becomes, we will still be human at the end of the day. And being a human being includes being emotional and ignoring our emotions is harmful and unhealthy. It doesn’t help that society frowns upon emotional people, specifically women, and that’s why emotions and being emotional gets a bad rep. But as humans we are composed of 4 bodies, which are the spiritual body, mental body, emotional body, and the physical body. The saying “stand on your square” directly relates to the acknowledgment of these four bodies aka four points.

4 bodies: Spiritual, Mental, Emotional and Physical

I mentioned above the term core emotions which correlate to our core beliefs. People only have 5 emotions that we experience on a scale of extremes or as a combination of the core 5 emotions. Disney put out a great movie a few years back that explores human emotions and their complexity called Inside Out. I highly recommend watching this movie if you want to start Subconscious Work and fully understand core emotions and beliefs.

Unfortunately, because a lot of people including myself at one point, see 4 of our core emotions anger, fear, disgust, and sadness as negative emotions, but they’re not. They are absolutely needed and need to be expressed to be a whole and healthy human being. These emotions that are associated with being dark and negative are the key emotions you focus on in Subconscious/Shadow Work. These dark emotions have dark positives, which I see as positive aspects to that emotion when its acknowledged and transmuted. For example, fear can be transmuted into rage when a woman is attacked by an attacker while walking at night. She can use that fear turned rage to defend herself against her attacker. Another example, fear can be transmuted to strength when a mother see’s her child get trapped under a car and she lifts the car up off of her child so she can get them out.

To fully understand how the subconscious works, you must correlate it to how the body does voluntary and involuntary actions. Voluntary actions are conscious actions and involuntary actions are subconscious actions. So, for example, conscious breathing is voluntary breathing. You are purposely making you lungs inhale and exhale air. Subconscious breathing is involuntary breathing which is your normal moment to moment breathing that happens without any guidance or will of your own. Without involuntary actions of the body, we wouldn’t be alive because involuntary actions run our entire body. From breathing to blood pumping to digestion. All actions we don’t have to tell our bodies to do. So, guess what, if involuntary aka subconscious actions run our bodies then the subconscious mind runs our mental and emotional bodies. Need proof, here’s a perfect example, zoning out while driving a car to work. When, you get to work and don’t remember driving there at all. You don’t remember seeing the typical sites you see during the drive in or anything. It’s because your subconscious got you there and your subconscious always gets there but when you zone out and come back to consciousness you become aware of the subconscious actions.

Furthermore, the subconscious is the involuntary mental and emotional actions that drive our core emotions and beliefs. When we push “negative” or “dark” emotions and experiences “deep inside” so we don’t have to deal with the feelings that arise or even acknowledge them at all is unhealthy. When you push those emotions “deep inside” you’re pushing them into your subconscious. Which is where they turn into involuntary actions that attach to core emotions or core beliefs, which the subconscious runs them. So, now you have that one horrible moment that happened when you were 5 years old running and controlling your life when anything that feels like that experience or emotions happen. You’ve created a circular habitual response in your life that will continue till you deal with the emotions attached to that experience. Dealing with those emotions includes revisiting that event in your mind or even the place, allowing the emotions to rise, feeling those emotions play out, releasing the emotions, then forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to feel because “You’re human and you’re allowed.”

DECODED: Black is King – Part 1

The presence of the Dogon tribe from the beginning of the video and throughout is the link to the Sirius beings creating the melanated hu-man. A physical being that can absorb hues aka colors aka all the wavelengths aka all the frequencies to be able to tap into the god frequencies. On the physical side, melanin can absorb the rays of the sun aka the radiation emitting from the sun. Melanin is an energy converting material similar to chloroplast in plants. The sun is an energy source for melanated people; hence why we were created to be able to be on the surface of earth. On the spiritual side, the colors aka frequencies are the 7 main chakras in the body; which each resonates at a different frequency. When each are opened and attuned they create a spiraling portal, the kundalini energy/serpent energy that rises from the base of our body out of the crown of our head. When our portal is open we can connect with the different frequencies present on the different dimensional states of existence. Hu-man is a being that is of the physical and spiritual worlds, a walking portal, a multidimensional being.

The blue man in the beginning is a Sirian man. The Blue hominid beings are a race of the Sirius star system. The color green and the green man represents Sirians and their green blood. Osiris was green because he was a sirian being and sirians have Cooper-base blood. When cooper oxidizes it turns green, hence oxidized copper-based blood does the same. Depending of the lighting used the sirian man looks blue, green or turquoise, regardless of what color scheme his skin is displaying it still doesn’t change the fact he is a sirian. Which correlates to no matter how light or dark your melanated skin is your origins are still of Sirius.

“Osiris”

I have to mention this because it was through out the video but I will have to decode it in more depth in a separate post. Cat prints, lions on the wall, and using the Lion King as the story base of the video can be broken into so many different aspects and representations. One aspect is showing the feline races of the Sirian star system and their bloodline on earth. Those bloodlines being of the 12 tribes of Jacob in the tribe of Judah, the tribe of the lion.

The red in the video represents 2 key aspects Venus and blood. All female goddesses are linked to Venus and Venus energy is the divine feminine as a whole. The women dressed in red suits is a power statement within this patriarchal society, “we carry the power in our blood”. The power of our blood is the divine feminine creation energy.

An image of the orbit pattern of Venus around the sun

Hot pink/bright magenta in the video represents Mary Magdalene energy, an aspect of Sophia energy. Sophia energy is the feminine divine aspect of the kryst consciousness. Kryst consciousness is the dual aspect that is our direct line of communication to the divine source. This feminine aspect must join with the divine masculine aspect Christos via merging/marriage. The marriage scene represented you becoming whole when you merge with your divine masculine and divine feminine selves. Its an internal spiritual merging and a physical merging when u find your partner that completes you. The king and the woman wearing magenta represented his and hers Sophia and kryst energies merging when they found each other and decided to partner aka become one. Beyoncé was there representing the divine feminine/creation energy, that’s why she wasn’t the one marrying the king. https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Christos-Sophia

Auset/Isis and Maat was present at the merging aka marriage too. They were the women who look identical with the Kemetician style hair with one wearing blue/Maat/laws and balance and the other wearing red/Auset/Isis/Venus helping the bride get ready. They also represent the power behind Osiris aka a pharaoh aka a king. In murals, Auset/Isis and Maat are always behind Osiris or a pharaoh. They can’t rule without Maat and Auset’s guidance, power, wisdom, strength and their direct connection to creation/source. More importantly, with Osiris/a king/a man in front of them, he is able to fulfill his role as a protector and protect his Auset/Isis/queen and the precious possessions she holds. This is also ties to one of the reasons why the chess board was used through out the video. In chess, the most dominant chess piece isn’t the king, it’s the queen. The most powerful being on earth is the melanated woman aka the queen and she most be protected at all times.

Maat and Auset behind Osiris

The African flag colors of green, red and black represents our origins. Our sirian green blood and our Venusian red blood are the powers in the black/melanated hu-man blood. The merging of the green man and the red woman creates the black hu-man. The phrase “power in the blood” has everything to do with our DNA and genetic origins.

Water, water, water everywhere! In the video she explains the importance of water but what she doesn’t illuminate on is water represents plasma, the 4th state of matter and our spiritual selves. Plasma is also in our blood, hence the phrase blood plasma and why it’s more precious than our blood cells. Plasma is the foundation of our blood, the matter that fills the space between our blood cells to give the appearance of fluidity. Without plasma our blood cells couldn’t sustain nutrients, move freely through our veins, etc. The universe is nothing but plasma that we can’t see with our visible eyes and scientists recently discovered it and call it dark matter. When you look at the night sky you see distance in between the stars. You presume the distance between the objects in the sky have a “nothingness” space between them. But that’s false, we can’t see with our physical eyes the matter that fills that distance/space between objects. Plasma is the matter that fills the space between all objects. Marvel movies such as Guardians of the Galaxy depict space as a “water” state when people are in it; hence why they look like they’re under water. So water everywhere in the video also represents our unseen connection and ties to all. Also represents that our purest state is our spiritual self/our plasma body, not our physical body. Wash away the false life, oppression, the heartache, the lessons of life and remember you’re more than those moments. You’re infinity and only enduring these things for a moment on your timeline of existence.

“Dark Matter” viewed in a wavelength outside of visible light. It is the network throughout the universe that connects all things
A scene from the Guardians of the Galaxy of Starlord floating in space

Part 2 coming soon. In the mean time don’t take my above words as truth, research everything I’ve stated and learn via your own wisdom and understanding. And remember that symbols and symbolism have multiple levels of meaning so use your own discernment.

Birthing Pains

We are going through a birthing. A new Earth is emerging from an old, broken, run down and no longer able to function properly Earth. This is the transitioning of 5D from 3D that so many speak about. The misconception is that it’s an actual new planet earth or a physical new heaven, because it’s not. It’s a higher level of vibrations, a higher view to see the whole picture, which means a higher perspective is dawning. One where the Universal Law of One is honored. One where the respect of duality is honored. One where the roles of humans, animals, plants, dimensional beings, and all things metaphysical are honored and respected. The pain, discontent, and emotional rollercoaster we are all on right now is necessary and a part of the birthing process just like when a woman gives birth. The pain, discontent and emotional rollercoaster she feels isn’t caused by the baby….. it’s caused by the birthing process and that part of the process can’t be skipped.

Old 3D earth has to go through birthing aka the 4D portal to rise up to the new 5D earth

What we should be doing right now is grounding ourselves and helping Mother Earth ground in this new level of energy. Captured in many books written within oppressive societies, humans are made to feel less than and puny among the “gods”. But in reality the “gods” envied humans because we were originally created to be able to navigate the spiritual and the physical realms simultaneously. We are the bridge, the portal between the dimensional realms, the physical and spiritual planes of existence. Through us, I’m specifically talking to melanated people, we can anchor in these new energies. The People of the Sun aka The Sun Kissed Skin aka melanated people are the protectors of this Earth and have the genetics to anchor in the new energy.

*Please take note that all of us have different levels of melanin in our bodies ranging from 100% to 0% and the color of your skin reflects that. So, if you have any melanin in your body you can assist in the anchoring of these high vibrational energies.
Dictionary.com – What is Melanated skin? A dark brown coloring found in the body, especially in the skin and hair. Produced by special skin cells that are sensitive to sunlight, melanin protects the body by absorbing ultraviolet radiation from the sun.

The new energy I speak of is on the higher scale of the electromagnetic spectrum and this scale has radio waves/red as low frequency energy and ultraviolent waves/purple as high frequency waves. The EMF scale also reflects how our chakras are arranged regarding a low frequency/red/root chakra to a high frequency/purple/crown chakra. These higher levels of radiation that are deemed as unhealthy and problematic by non-melanated people is only that way towards them. Our genetic nature, our melanin is activated and energized by the sun and cosmic radiation (higher vibrational energy). We are the righteous, those who can survive under the frequencies on the right side of the EMF Spectrum.

One of the reasons this shift is occurring is because, malevolent beings enslaved this earth and has been able to entrap us and stagnant our spiritual growth by creating an electric, negative ion barrier around earth (electric is the masculine aspect of energy, magnetic is the feminine aspect of energy). This barrier would reflect higher vibrational energy away and allow low vibrational energy through, which caused an imbalance in the energies on earth. This helped keep earth, as a whole, in a very low vibrational state and all things patriarchal/masculine/electric driven started to run rampant on earth because the divine feminine/magnetic was repressed. By doing this, these malevolent beings unhinged the Law of Duality on earth. Wars, famine, dis-ease, a narcissistic society and so on are all created within low vibrational states of being and these malevolent beings feed off the negative, low vibrational energy produced.

Electric barrier around Earth

The current state we are in right now has been talked about for ages in every culture that’s graced this planet because they knew balance would eventually restore itself. They knew the universe would correct the mess these malevolent beings caused. The electric barrier that surrounded earth has been dissolved and the shifting of these dimensional planes is allowing higher vibrational energy to penetrate through to Earth and with the return of the Divine Feminine, Earth’s spiritual imbalance is being restored back into balance. To restore the balance the old earth, the old ways, the current leaders and everything associated with those malevolent beings must be broken down and destroyed to be able to build a new earth with a solid foundation based on balanced universal laws. The establishment associated with those malevolent beings is fighting very hard to try to maintain their control, but out of this chaos will come order.

Based on everything I’ve listed above, remove your human emotions out of the way and think about all the injustice that has been done to melanated people all over this earth, the injustice done to women all over this earth, and the backwardness of society. Where teachers are paid scrapes but a guy that can shoot a basketball gets paid millions, a nurse (who have been predominantly women) is looked at as less than a doctor (who have been predominantly men) when they do all the dirty work, how people can’t afford food or a decent place to live, but politicians can raise millions to run for an office, or how the government can come up with trillions of dollars to fund bail outs to major companies, but there are people in this country trying to live off of minimum wage. Now, open your eye and your spirit and see how over the past decade or so melanated people have risen in positions and in power and women as a whole have risen in positions and in power. Melanated women have embraced their natural power, their natural hair, left religion behind and embraced their ancestral practices. Those steps were the Divine Feminine returning to Earth which helped awaken Mother Earth. This current state and this shift we are in right now has been in the works for a long time. Using our powers to perform grounding rituals, grounding spells, spending time in the sun barefoot and earthing and carrying grounding tools, stones, etc. are the practices we need to be doing right now to assist.

Sister Energies – “Sa Sekhem Sahu”

Ephesians 6:12, KJV: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Hamper Me

Hamper – to restrict the movement of by bonds or obstacles, to interfere with the operation of, to interfere with: to impede the natural activity of.

While people were being focused on the coronavirus and relief checks for people and businesses, Trump signed into effect the 5G Bill. This bill moves forward the creation and set up of infrastructure for the wonderful 5G towers. You know, the 5G that all the wireless companies keep shoving down our throats of being “the fastest wireless system ever”. Why didn’t Obama or Bush have to sign a bill with the implementation of 3G or 4G wireless infrastructures? Hmmmm…. maybe because 3G and 4G are way different types of wireless systems and aren’t going to be used in the same capacity as the new 5G wireless system. 

So, why are so many against the new 5G wireless system? And yes, there are several organizations, groups and people against the emergence of 5G even if you haven’t heard about these people or groups. The mainstream media isn’t in the business of keeping people informed so if you only get your news and information on what’s going on in the world through TV and mainstream news outlets than a course you haven’t heard of any resistance against 5G. It’s interesting that Trump has to meet with the Defense and Home Security departments to review the layout of the 5G infrastructure. Now, that should make you think “why does the president have to meet with the Defense and Home Security departments about the setup of a wireless system?” Let’s began to answer that question!

The fifth generation of wireless communication technologies (5G) is the strongest and highest frequency mobile broadband wave ever created for wireless. The electromagnetic frequency (EMF) is above 24GHz and reaching up to 72GHz levels of radiation. There has always been concerns about radiation exposure around cell phone towers and electrical towers. Now, that 5G has been approved the current regulations have not been changed to protect people from the increase in radiation they will be exposed to from 5G. Here’s another question, why would the government not review the regulations and adjust them to make sure the people of this nation are protected from the increase of radiation they will be exposed to? Let’s began to answer that question!

The EMF that will be emitted by these 5G towers will be used as a weapon and control tool. A weapon and a tool that has been in place and used in warfare since the days of the Nazi reign. We are talking about psychological warfare people and more importantly spiritual warfare. This type of warfare was created by the Nazi and perfected by the United States. The Uppers of this planet tell us all their dirty secrets all the time as a way to try to avoid the Law of Karma. There are countless movies out there that show how EMF waves, sound waves and radiation are used to enhance peoples psychic abilities, read people minds, know peoples thoughts, restrain a person, and alter a persons mental and physical state into compliance. Minority Report, X-Men, Captain America, Stranger Things, and so on. Here’s another question, why would the government want to use EMF waves against its own people? Well, that’s the ultimate question with the ultimate truth.

Short Story: This planet is an experimental planet but one thing this planet was not meant to be is a prison planet, which is what it is right now. This planet was taking over by fear mongering beings and they can only survive from the energy produced from fear, which comes from a low vibration state of living. The reign of these beings is coming to an end so they are doing everything they can to try to maintain their control over the planet. The entrance of the Divine Feminine, the feminine aspect of our world that was removed from society to cause imbalance and drive the patriarchal/male dominance society we are currently in, has returned and assisting the awakening of people to the fact that they are being doped and deceived by the Uppers (Cabal, Illuminati, etc.) who work directly with these fear mongering beings. The return of the Divine Feminine to this planet is also helping the Earth raise its vibration and combat all the viruses and artificial intelligence (AI) that have been implanted in the Earth’s grid lines and atmosphere to keep the Earth and us hampered down and ineffective against their attacks on us physically, mentally and spiritually.

The ultimate answer is that the EMF radiation from these 5G towers will be used to hamper us down. Smother us and restrict us from awakening into who we truly are, which are spiritual beings in a matter body that has free will and is soverign. The EMF waves will alter us physically and decrease our auric fields. To visualize this decrease of our auric fields, it will be like two different sizes of ocean wave ripples colliding into each other and the larger wave ripple will overcome the smaller ripple making the smaller one no longer have any force. Basically, we will be compacted and bombarded with EMF waves to the point that our bodies will submit and not be able to rise spiritually. We will be reduced and stuck in our matter bodies and our matter bodies will react to the EMF waves with a vast of symptoms that many won’t see these symptoms as anything significant. They will think they are getting nausea from food they ate or headaches from a “stressful day”. By keeping us in a lower state of being, the fear mongering beings will be able to feed off our energy more easily. At this current time, they have many in a constant state of fear with this virus, so these beings are getting fat per se off of the worlds fear energy right now.

Now there’s nothing you can do to prevent 5G from happening, but you can prepare and protect yourself within it. Orgonite tools, orgone pyramids in your home and around your property, wearing orgonite tools or orgone jewelry, performing auric clearing meditations, listening to high vibrational or relaxing music on the regular, eating as healthy as you can, increase your immune boosting vitamins, and staying out of the mindset of fear and engaging in low vibrational activities; such as reading all the fear mongering in the news and on social media. Stay informed and don’t be afraid to venture into alternative news outlets to truly stay informed.

Power in the Blood

As I would hope most know there is an alien AI virus embedded into the shield surrounding earth. It helps to cut us off to source when we incarnate in the earth realm and start our souls reprogramming with implants. The vaccines they force us to get as babies and children is the continuation of these reprogramming implants. My perspective is that during the formation of a baby in the womb, the soul for that baby isn’t transferred into the baby until the sac is busted. Until that moment the mother is a bridge between the baby’s soul and the baby’s physical body. Once the sac is broken the soul portals to the body to remain and during that transfer the soul travels through the Earth shield picking up implants.

When I was born I had a seizure right after coming out of the womb and the doctors didn’t know why. They assumed maybe my mom had a STD and I got it coming through the birth canal. Later on at 2 yrs old I developed an anti-inflammatory disease that caused my joints and capillaries to leak; which caused me to form puddles of blood under my skin that looked like purple bruises. I had many flare ups during this weird rare disease that miraculously went away on its own when I was 11 yrs old. After researching the disease as an adult, I learned that an actual cause isn’t known. They believe a virus or an environmental factor causes the body to start attacking these areas of the body.

My blood is different and “special” as my mother has been telling me since I was little. She could not explain to me why she thinks this or why she had to constantly remind me of it but I was always reminded when weird episodes would happen. Obviously, through her not remembering her true self, she did remember this tiny piece of info for me. I’ve never heard her express this info with any of my siblings. For example, I would always trigger false positives on blood test for viruses and bacteria. One day I got a positive for Syphilis and I was ready to kill someone, but the doctor ran a secondary test and it came back negative. Tuberculosis test I get a raise bump triggering a positive but when you run a different blood test it comes back negative. I carry a protein in my blood that triggers these tests. My last year in college I had to leave school for 2 weeks because I developed these tiny red bumps all over my face and body. The doctors didn’t know what caused it, but said it could be from stress since there was no logical cause for this skin flare up, so they grouped it under Rosea. Sounds oddly familiar to the anti-inflammatory disease having no known cause.

I’ve always known I was different and not of earth since I was a little child. I’ve always believed that my soul was too energetic for my baby self and that’s why I had a seizure at birth. I know that there are levels to every experience and I still believe it as true, as well as the implants that they embedded in my soul during incarnation and vaccines have been in constant battle with my genes. Due to being an Indigo of the 6th dimension, I was born with my 6th chakra/3rd Eye open and those implants weren’t able to cut me off from source. Then to add to that my bloodline/genetics being Hebrew Anunnaki, these implants were having a hard time keeping my vibrations down and my abilities asleep.

I share this information as an acknowledgment to my ancestors and myself, to the Kryst who walked this Earth and the Kryst consciousness that resides in my higher heart which I am named after. Thank you for sustaining me thus far and continuing to be with me on this journey on Earth during these miraculous times.

Higher Heart – Amoraea Flame

Before you can activate your higher heart, you must:
❤️activate, release and clear out your baggage in your 7 body chakras
🧡work within your shadow self to dissolve your fears, traumas, etc. so you can develop a loving relationship with yourself. Literally start loving you and all that you are; the good, the bad and the ugly. The flaws and the successes.
💛connect/activate your earth chakra which is in the earth below your feet
💚connect/activate with your 8th chakra/soul chakra a couple of inches above your head

Once you activate your higher heart the Kryst consciousness will be able to flow through you and be connected to you once again with no filter. The higher heart is your direct connection back to source. You will no longer need anything or anyone as assistance or as a middle man to source. No magical practice, no deity, no shaman, NO ONE OR NOTHING❣️

https://www.sacredgemstone.com/blogs/crystal-healing-blog/higher-heart-chakra-activations

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Amoraea_Flame

Complacency: Reflections of Self

After achieving what I thought I should as an adult, all those “accomplishments” lead to deep heart ache, pain, unhappiness and finding myself feeling empty, unsatisfied and alone.

After several months of being stuck in a void and I’m using the word void because I wasn’t sad or depressed, but I was in a state of emotionless. While in this void, my mind was on constant repeat, thinking the same thoughts over and over again. What am I doing wrong? How am I 34 and I don’t have anything together? Why do I feel so lost? While away on a trip I discovered several different topics and articles on Facebook that kept catching my interest. Figured if something keeps popping up I need to start paying attention to it. This began my journey into the unknown….. so I thought.

This journey of self-love, inner-peace, becoming spiritually in tune to my real self. The real Me and not who I think I should be, or who I thought I should be as a child or even when I thought I was in college, and definitely not who society says I should be. More importantly, not who my mom or my family think I should be or should have been.

My mind works differently from most, I noticed this at an early age. Always questioning life, rules, nature, adults and authority. Never took answers at face value and always wanted to learn beyond the surface. My mind sees disorder, chaos, things out of place and automatically starts analyzing and correcting them. I always thought it was my OCD until it enhanced my career by finding the flaws in a facility and their programs and on a personal level giving great advice. Unfortunately, it also gives off the persona of a “know it all” or always having something to say. Had to learn with maturity when to speak my truth and when to let people figure it out on their own. More importantly, not beat myself up when they fail or don’t figure it out. I’m a fixer by nature but everything and everyone doesn’t want to be fixed. Sometimes its best for things and people to stay broken. Can’t save the world by draining myself in the process. Learned to pick my battles so I can have successful wars.

Finally Seeing Through the Veils

The Goddess Circle is one of the sources I refer to for guidance and understanding ever since I had my spiritual awakening. I don’t remember how I came across this page on Facebook but I was searching for a place to feel comfortable finding answers to life questions and exploring my gifts.

After reading the below post, it was the cherry to the sundae of the past couple of weeks I’ve been having; specifically last week. “We have been seeing in our lives the sticky bits rising, the sore spots, the wounds, the things from the basement that want and need to be seen. We have been coming face to face with what we want to peel away once and for all.” This statement from the post right here, OH MY GOD! I’m a visual person and when I read that I saw tar rising through the “cracks” of me. Those painful hidden things began rising in me, picking and prodding and eventually put me in the hospital trying to come to the surface. But finally it was revealed to me this week what has been plaguing me or should I say parasitize me my whole entire life. I’m a great energy source for narcissistic people. I have had 5 narcissistic relationships that I can think of, 1 intimate one with a narcissistic sociopath who was my ex-husband that has left some painful scars. To be honest I don’t even know how bad the childhood and friendship narcissistic relationships have damaged me because my mental blocks and defenses won’t let me or even a trained trauma therapist for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) access those memories.

The flow of information and knowledge to me since I started on this journey has revealed a lot, some positive and now some negative. Early in my journey I learned that I’m a highly sensitive person, a very strong Empath. But unfortunately, that’s why I’m such a great source of energy for narcissists. Now, that I finally know the positive and negative attributes to myself, I can start truly healing and learning about myself in those relationships and how it wasn’t my fault and hopefully lose the guilt weight. I’m grateful for both the positive and negative, the light and the dark parts of me. I accept them both because they both have made me who I am and more importantly, who I will become.