Complacency: Reflections of Self

After achieving what I thought I should as an adult, all those “accomplishments” lead to deep heart ache, pain, unhappiness and finding myself feeling empty, unsatisfied and alone.

After several months of being stuck in a void and I’m using the word void because I wasn’t sad or depressed, but I was in a state of emotionless. While in this void, my mind was on constant repeat, thinking the same thoughts over and over again. What am I doing wrong? How am I 34 and I don’t have anything together? Why do I feel so lost? While away on a trip I discovered several different topics and articles on Facebook that kept catching my interest. Figured if something keeps popping up I need to start paying attention to it. This began my journey into the unknown….. so I thought.

This journey of self-love, inner-peace, becoming spiritually in tune to my real self. The real Me and not who I think I should be, or who I thought I should be as a child or even when I thought I was in college, and definitely not who society says I should be. More importantly, not who my mom or my family think I should be or should have been.

My mind works differently from most, I noticed this at an early age. Always questioning life, rules, nature, adults and authority. Never took answers at face value and always wanted to learn beyond the surface. My mind sees disorder, chaos, things out of place and automatically starts analyzing and correcting them. I always thought it was my OCD until it enhanced my career by finding the flaws in a facility and their programs and on a personal level giving great advice. Unfortunately, it also gives off the persona of a “know it all” or always having something to say. Had to learn with maturity when to speak my truth and when to let people figure it out on their own. More importantly, not beat myself up when they fail or don’t figure it out. I’m a fixer by nature but everything and everyone doesn’t want to be fixed. Sometimes its best for things and people to stay broken. Can’t save the world by draining myself in the process. Learned to pick my battles so I can have successful wars.

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